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'The Onion' Predicted This Whole Trump Thing

by Lauren Holter

The nation is still in shock about the presumptive GOP presidential nominee, but The Onion kind of called Trump's success back in 2012. After President Obama was reelected, the satirical newspaper made a fake newscast about how "Some experts say a frontrunner has already emerged in the form of this shrieking white-hot sphere of pure rage." Explains fake news anchor Andrea Bennett: "The sphere, seen here decimating homes in a small Maryland town, is testing through the roof with conservatives who are disappointed with Obama's victory last night." Not exactly Trump, but there are some clear similarities.

Hear me out. Trump's campaign has centered around anger at the current state of the nation, from the way China's "raping" America on trade to the lack of jobs for American citizens. He's a pretty mad human in general, constantly firing off Twitter rants, attacking journalists who criticize him, and calling his political opponents names. He also relentlessly denounces President Obama's policies and the progress he's tried to enact while in office. Not to mention how his face is a similar shade of orange to that of the orb.

"This screaming orb just might be the only one who really taps into the deep-seated seething fury felt by so many Republicans right now," says phony journalist Jason Copeland. "This thing is young, it's exciting, it feeds off fear and terror — it's no wonder conservatives are raving about it."

A Republican interviewed about why she's so drawn to the orb says: "Mitt Romney just didn't get me fired up enough to vote, but that sphere of anger really speaks to me ... usually through my television or in my nightmares."

When asked if it would run for president, the orb made loud whirring sounds and unintelligible shrieks before saying, "Bow before me," followed by more piercing violent shrieks and "Guns. Not our America." Then, it just repeated "fa*****s" at a deafening pitch for hours. In order to get it to run, Copeland said conservatives would have to trap the orb, communicate with it, and steer it in the right direction, but GOP leaders had already begun offering sacrifices of virgins and animals — a vital first step.

No one had to convince Trump to run for president (he was pretty eager to do so), but his slogan is quite similar to the shrieking orb's "Not our America." The Onion was pretty spot-on in predicting the future.

Images: The Onion/YouTube