Life

A Definitive Ranking of 99 Smells

The other day I got this totally kickass neon pink chapstick. Then I opened it up only to realize it smells exactly like those horrid creamsicle suckers Lifesavers was trying to push, and failed hard at, a few years back. Later in the day I got in a cab, three strangers shoved in the back seat, only to realize the guy to my right was totally wearing my eighth-grade boyfriend's favorite cologne (here's to hoping he's still not wearing it). So I guess they really aren't kidding when they say scent is that little reminder (good or bad) of pretty much every single thing that's ever happened in your life. And yes, it will stick with you forever. I'm going to take the time to rank the eighth-grade boyfriend as the good in this equation, creamsicles as the bad.

While we might not be able to time travel (yet), our noses do it each and every day. So as an ode to the superpower you didn't even realize you possessed, here is a definitive ranking of 99 smells. I'm warning you now that this list is going to make you feel all of the feelings, from why the eff does stale beer smell so disgusting to why do I want to bathe in Sensual Amber RIGHT NOW.

99. Rest stop bathroom

Trust me, this list gets better.

98. Department store perfume section

97. Burning hair

96. Someone else's B.O.

95. Cigarettes

Cameron Spencer/Getty Images News/Getty Images

94. Fish flakes

93. Your garbage can in the summer

92. Kitty litter

91. Someone else's bad breath

90. A fish market

89. Spoiled milk

88. The petting zoo

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

87. A fart in a public place that isn't yours

86. Antiseptic wipes

Takes me back to the seconds before getting a shot at the pediatrician's office (*shudders*).

85. Stale beer

Generally found the morning after all over the bar floor.

84. Sponges

83. Your grandparents’ basement (or any basement in the '90s)

Very nostalgic, equally nasty.

82. Pine-Sol

81. Robitussin

80. Hard-boiled eggs

Whatever, I still eat them.

79. The New York City subway system

Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images

78. Your own B.O.

Speaking of eggs.

77. Airplane air smell

76. Antique stores

Handout/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Like your grandparents' basement, but with more smelly wood and weird clocks in it.

75. Money

Dirt.

74. Skunk

Wait, or is that weed?

73. Dirty socks

72. Wet dog

(aka Fritos)

71. Halloween masks

David McNew/Getty Images News/Getty Images

70. AVON Skin So Soft

69. Chlorine

Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images

68. Halal carts

~Spicy~

67. Cold Stone Creamery

I hate this place. With a passion.

66. Burnt, charred popcorn

I can actually taste this right now.

65. New car smell

Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

64. Melting plastic

It. just. stays. with. you. forever.

63. A gas leak

Tim Boyle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Run. NOW!

62. Tuna fish

x_x

61. Taxi cab airfreshner

China Photos/Getty Images News/Getty Images

60. That Subway smell

59. Sharpies

God, I love to hate this smell.

58. Nail polish remover

57. Swiss cheese

56. Play-Doh

55. Mustard

54. A basketball

53. Rubber cement

This just smells like cancer.

52. Clams on the half shell

I'm being incredibly diplomatic here because I effing love them.

51. Abercrombie

Tim Boyle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

50. Crayons

William Thomas Cain/Getty Images News/Getty Images

49. Ketchup

Richard Heathcote/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

48. Incense

47. A hot glue gun

Paula Bronstein/Getty Images News/Getty Images

46. Fall leaves

45. Malt vinegar

44. Library books

Matt Cardy/Getty Images News/Getty Images

43. Rain

Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images

42. Elementary school eraser

41. Sriracha

Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

40. Matches

39. Baby wipes

38. Bazooka bubblegum

Smells great, but you know it'll wear off in under two minutes and then you're stuck with this wad of crap in your mouth for absolutely no reason.

37. Nuts 4 Nuts

36. Doritos

35. This kickball

34. Baked Brie

33. Fresh-baked bread

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

32. Kooshballs

31. Spearmint gum

Tim Boyle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

30. New shoes

29. Lemon

Sandra Mu/Getty Images News/Getty Images

28. A fresh Christmas Tree

Michael Dodge/Getty Images News/Getty Images

27. Fireplaces

26. Funnel cake

25. Thanksgiving

24. Cinnamon

23. Hot chocolate

22. Gasoline

Scott Barbour/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Disgustingly delicious.

21. McDonald’s fries

Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

20. The Laundromat, or this Yankee Candle

19. A newborn baby

Sean Gallup/Getty Images News/Getty Images

18. Fresh-baked cookies

17. Toast

Getty Images/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Bonus: A young, red-faced Prince Harry ;)

16. Freshly cut grass

Getty Images/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

15. Warm apple pie

14. Red wine

David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

13. The grill

12. Freshly brewed coffee

11. Clementines

10. Bacon

9. Cinnabon

8. Hawaiian Tropic Suntan lotion

7. Auntie Anne's

6. Pancakes and maple syrup

5. Buttery movie popcorn

Mark Davis/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

4. Sensual Amber

Or any other insanely potent vanilla scent.

3. Garlic sautéing

2. New tennis balls

Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

1. Pizza

Even bad pizza is better than most good things.

Images: Alex Juel, Daniel Oines, Whiskey and Tears, m01229, u-suke, Brian Turner, davidd, jeffreyw, Jo Naylor, One More Bite Blog, cookbookman17, Ethan Lofton, Kristin Nador, laszlo photo, Mark Mitchell, IK's World Trip, kundl, Steven Depolo, Satoshi Kobayashi, Matteo Paciotti, Miamism, The Pizza Review, Liz Davenport; Morgan Levy, Didriks, vialbost, Linked In Pulse, lara604/Flickr; Fotolia (17); Getty Images (29); Amazon.com (15); Subway/Facebook; kellehert, shazzysizzle/Instagram; Yankee Candle; A Pastry Affair (2); Rosanne Salvatore