Justin Bieber's Animalistic New Tat: A Satire

It doesn't necessarily qualify for an entire article on the subject, but nonetheless, the always evolving sleeve tattoo just got a little more patriotic. Justin Bieber got a new tattoo of an eagle inked on his left arm, neighboring half a dozen other tats the 19-year-old "Boyfriend" singer has accumulated in past years. But the real news is the series of selfies that J Biebs posted to his Instagram account during the tattooing process.

So since you're here, let's analyze the first snap*: Justin Drew Bieber sits shirtless in a tattoo artist's chair, one arm being inked, while the other casually (i.e. posed) hand runs effortlessly through his shaggy locks. His eyes lock with the camera and look up as if to say, "I'm a sexy/sad/confused/squinting/slightly bored pop star."

The filter for the photo remains unidentified, but Biebs appears tanned and well-defined in the pic. His boxers (of which we can see roughly 4.7 feet of) stick out from his saggy jeans and sit just low enough on his hips to see a light tuff of Bieber-y pubes sticking out of the waistline. A golden bangle adorns his right arm and two golden pendants sit to the left of his right nipple. The tattooed arm rests comfortably in the artist's chair, while his left hand eagerly (OK maybe "hesitantly" or "excitedly") clutches his Bieber crowned jewels over his jeans. Light friction appears on either side of his hand, indicating pressure on his junk from his curled fingers.

The second image, which he captioned, "fresh new tat" features a similarly pouty expression, but with his mop-headed prowess covered with a backwards cap. White undies still on full display. The third instagram shows Bieber's eyes avoiding the camera, sitting in what appears at first to be a bathtub, but upon closer inspection may or may not be a white leather chair. He looks downwards, contemplating the effect a darker filter might have on his tween fan base. But after a moment of contemplation, thinks, "what the hay?" and switches things up with a more moody and brooding, dusty filter.

*If you actually read this entire post, applause to you. If you stopped at "Bieber-y pubes" I offer you an equal amount of kudos. Because really, who the f*ck cares about the bird on JB's arm?

Images: Instagram/JustinBieber