Your Skinny Jeans Are Killing The Dollar, Rob Ford Calls Reporter A Pedophile: In Other News

Here's something we never thought we'd say: your skinny jeans are doing real, physical damage to the U.S. dollar. No, not the economy — the physical, paper dollar, which happens to be made by a single company, Crane, the Washington Post revealed Tuesday. Let us explain: Crane turns a ton of leftover denim into the cotton-blend fabric that then becomes your $20 bill ... and even since the skinny-jean craze took hold and never let go, denim has become meshed with lycra to create a tighter, skinnier skinny-jean fit.

So what does this mean? Well, lycra "contaminates" the denim, making it impossible to turn into dollar bills. And in recent years, it's become near-impossible for Crane to find any denim that isn't ruined by lycra. Hence, no more dollar bills. But don't panic just yet: Crane's been hunting for cotton straight from the source, and has abandoned its denim origins entirely.

Meanwhile, in Indonesia, a 24-year-old woman has collapsed and died after allegedly not sleeping for 30 hours. Mita Diran worked overtime for three days, according to a blog post by her father, and had stayed awake by drinking Kratingdaeng, the original version of Red Bull.

Rob Ford has apologized to a reporter after allegedly calling him a pedophile (well, mostly because that reporter sued him for libel.) So Ford's still doing well.

Here's Super Mario Bros with Sonic The Hedgehog sound effects. Hint: it's really weird.

dennaissance on YouTube

Former U.N. ambassador John Bolton said Tuesday that Edward Snowden "ought to swing from a tall oak tree." So, not a whistleblower to Bolton, eh?

Did you know you can change the language on Twitter to "Lolcatz?" Really.

Also, here's a guy in Miami trying to trade an alligator for beer.

YouTube

And finally ... what a headline.