Here's some good news: during all of those weekends you spent lying on your couch marathoning TV series, you weren't being lazy, you were training. Sunday, Jan. 12 is the day that all of that hard work will pay off. The Golden Globes are on, something we'd usually be excited about since Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are back as hosts, but while they're making fun of celebrities, the premieres of Girls , Shameless, House of Lies, Episodes, and True Detective are all on.
Never has watching TV been so stressful. But don't worry, we're here for you. If you want to see all five premieres and of course, watch the Golden Globes, it is possible with a little planning and dedication. Here's how to watch everything you want, avoid spoilers, and move up to varsity level TV-watching.
Customize Your Schedule
Even though all of these series are premiering during the Golden Globes, you don't actually have to watch the premieres. The third season of Girls premieres on HBO with two new episodes at 10 p.m., but both will repeat at 12 a.m., after the Globes have ended. The season premieres of House of Lies and Episodes are on the same schedule on Showtime, so whichever show is most important to you, you can save to watch post-Awards when you won't have to divide your attention.
True Detective is more difficult because the series will debut at 9 p.m. on HBO and repeat at 11 p.m., and while the Globes are supposed to end at 11 p.m., we all know that awards shows always go over. Plus, they save the biggest awards for the end, so if you want to catch the brand new Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson series, the 9 p.m. airing should be a safer choice. If you're really lucky, HBO will put the first episode online in advance to build hype, the way Showtime did with Masters of Sex in September.
Shameless is tricky too, with its fourth season currently scheduled to air only at 9 p.m. This is where prioritizing has to come in, as you figure out what shows matter the most, and which can be watched late.
Set Up Your Online Accounts
Guess what all five series have in common — they're on premium cable. If you watch any of these shows, you either have HBO and/or Showtime or you use someone else's password to watch them online (don't worry, I won't tell). Either way, you then also have access to HBO Go and Showtime Anytime, where the new episodes will be posted pretty quickly after airing. (And, if you don't have either? When it comes to Girls, you're in luck: HBO's YouTube channel will post Season 3's premiere.)
If you're going to watch everything, having those online accounts set up is vital. If you get really into the Golden Globes and don't want to risk missing any big awards or funny moments, you can watch the other shows after or during a particularly boring segment.
It's an awards show, not the Super Bowl — no commercials are worth watching. At least half will be for the movies that are nominated anyway, and the rest will be for whatever new "comedy" NBC is trying to promote instead of Parks and Rec.
The tricky thing here is that HBO and Showtime don't really have commercials, so if you're okay with seeing some shows in bits and pieces, flip back and forth when the Globes go to commercial (which happens A LOT) or for any of the boring awards — like say, anything with the word mini-series in it.
However this also means no opportunities to get up for snacks, so have some rations ready within arms reach. When you're watching TV at this level, there's no time to stop. It's not the hardest rule to follow.
Strategically Use Social Media
For Facebook that strategy is to stay far, far away. Everyone has a friend who doesn't understand the concept of spoilers and can ruin an entire show with one status. Don't worry you won't be missing anything, basically all of your friends will be home watching TV, too.
Twitter is tough, because watching an awards show while reading tweets about it can be pretty hilarious if you follow the right people. The best way to follow along is only search the hashtag of whatever you're watching, If you decide to watch Girls, search #Girls or #HBOGirls and see what people are saying about Girls and Girls alone. Same goes for the Golden Globes and other shows.
If you're a Tumblr fan, avoiding spoilers is extremely easy. Just get the free Tumblr savior app for Google Chrome. It lets you blacklist any tags that you don't want to see on your dashboard. Simply add whatever you've chosen to watch late and you won't see any posts about it. It's usually a good idea to block the word spoilers too, just in case.
It may seem like a lot of work, but in the end, you're simply watching TV — just very cautiously. You may be a little tired on Monday and your vision may be a little blurry, but it'll be worth it when you've successfully watched Tina and Amy kill at the Golden Globes and all of your favorite shows, without any spoilers.