Chrissy Teigen vs. '50 Shades'

So Chrissy Teigen's a little behind on the zeitgeist, so what? She got to Fifty Shades of Grey before the movie, so she's still on top of it in some ways. But Tiegen abandoned Fifty Shades right fast. For which we thank her. It's not that we don't appreciate Fifty Shades' contribution to the destigmatization of erotica — no, our complaints mainly have to do with something Teigen summed up perfectly. Having planned to read either Fifty Shades or Seal Team Six (gotta admire her commitment to diversity in reading), she chose Grey. And then immediately regretted it.

"Annnnd I'm done 2 pages in," she tweeted. Same, Teigen. Same.

She tried again, valiantly, but failed to get into it that time, too:

"I have an extremely high pain tolerance," she tweeted in a tweet that has since apparently been deleted. "But I honestly don't think I can do this. This book is f***ing horrendous."

See, our problem with Fifty Shades has nothing to do with the fact that it's porn that middle-aged women feel comfortable reading in public — it has to do with the fact that the prose is crap.

Go for the porn all you want, people — but there are quality erotic prose alternatives you need to know about. You could find better erotica in the Archive Of Our Own catalogue written by 14-year-olds who've never seen anyone's genitals but their own. It's pretty well-known that Fifty Shades was originally a Twilight fan fiction. And that's fine. But there are fan fictions out there that are so good they surpass their source material, so good they deserve their own TV show or publisher or fandom — and they chose this one?

"Slow news day eh?" Teigen tweeted more recently, probably in response to the fact that this story has been written up by multiple outlets. Yes, Teigen, maybe. But more than that we'll just take any opportunity to stand on our obnoxiously high horse and tell people that they can get much better erotica completely for free and without all the casting drama.

Image: Twitter