10 New Year's Resolutions the 'Pretty Little Liars' Gang Should Make This Year
Spoiler alert, everyone! Great, now that that's out of the way, here we go. When we last saw our liars, they were hunting down their mean-girl leader, Alison, after learning that she had been — gasp! — very much alive this whole time. Now that everything that they have assumed is very much a lie, these girls need to seriously take inventory of their lives. Pretty Little Liars returns on Jan. 7, which means that we are just in time to think up some New Year's resolutions for our little liars to make in 2014. (Maybe, umm, "not lying", should go on top of everyone's list?)
Images: ABC Family
Hanna Marin really should resolve to wear more appropriate things to the funerals that she will inevitably be attending in the next season. Outside of that tragic fashion faux pas, Hanna’s resolution should definitely be to stay in touch with her boyfriend Caleb while he’s away in Ravenswood. Umm, hey, your boyfriend is seeing the ghost of a cute girl behind your back, maybe you should take that 45-minute drive and pay him a visit or two?
Spencer is obviously the best liar, which is why it would really suck if her sleuthing denied her the opportunity to attend college and escape Rosewood for good. We think it was for the best that she got rejected (or deferred? very unclear) from her Ivy League dream of UPenn — after all, that school was just a little bit too close to A’s headquarters. Spencer’s resolution should be to retake her SATs and apply to colleges a little further from home. Perhaps Stanford, Oxford, or some fictional school on an island devoid of all technology to keep her A-free.
Aria Montgomery didn’t see anything wrong with pursuing her English teacher, but let’s hope that she sees the light now that he’s (probably) A… or at least, A-adjacent. Though we think that Jake (the martial arts hottie currently sweeping Aria off her feet in between longing gazes from Ezra) is a fine boyfriend-type, Aria would be far better off resolving to stay single in 2014.
Love you, Em, but would love you even more if you changed up your wardrobe a littttttle bit. We get it, you’re the sporty one, but just because everything looks good on you doesn’t mean you have to live a life of sweatshirts and tennis sneakers. Adding some oomph (or accessories!) would be awesome. Oh, and, on a less trivial note, maybe it’s time to finally resolve to put your longtime crush on Alison to rest? Now that she’s returned from the dead, it’s time to find some closure. Alison is definitely at least part-time evil, and Emily deserves way better.
Speaking of Ali D., where do we even begin? For one thing, now that the liars are aware that you are NOT actually in a hole in the ground, it’s time to resolve to be a little bit more honest about your past. While we’re sure that Alison had some reason to fake her own death — was she really running from Ezra, or is this an entirely different scheme on Alison’s part? — we think that her former BFFs deserve some answers. She could also work on being less of a passive aggressive frenemy, but much like New Year’s diet plans, we can assume that this resolution would get dropped very quickly.
Toby should definitely resolve to hit the gym more and work on those abs. Ha, just kidding, the only resolution that Toby needs to make is to find any and all excuses to lose the shirt. In a less-objectifying-to-Toby resolution, he should probably work on resolving NOT to trust A in his quest to find out the truth about his mother. For all he knows, A could have been the one who ultimately caused her death. We all know how A is… when push comes to shove…
Weirdly, Caleb has bigger problems on Ravenswood than he ever did on Pretty Little Liars. I mean, hi, there are actually ghosts who want him and his friend's dead over there. While we’re all still so sad that Caleb has made a (seemingly permanent) move out of Rosewood, we’re too engrossed in his bizarre new life in Ravenswood to want him to move back to PLL-land. Instead, we’d love it if Caleb promised a few trips back to Rosewood to see Hanna and Toby.
Before he was A-adjacent, we’d have said that Ezra should work on not dating underage girls and not being such a pretentious Dan Humphrey-type (because Pretty Little Liars is basically Gossip Girl in SO many ways). Now we’re asking him to stop being so evil in the New Year. Also, stop with the whole “I’m a serious writerrrrrr” whining. Weirdly, his pretentiousness still may be his worst trait, and I just said that he was actually evil.
The only person more inclined than any of the liars to get blamed for things that she didn’t do would be Ashley Marin. There are so many people, places, and things that Ashley Marin should avoid in the New Year, but we’re thinking that at the top of the list should be cops, wooded areas, and wine (or, you know, cut back at least…)
Don’t change a thing. Whatever you’re doing, it’s fantastic.