'True Blood': Who the Hell Are We Rooting For Now?

True Blood is getting me hot and bothered these days, but not for the same reasons it used to. Once upon a time, fans could look forward to nudity, intrigue, and really fast-moving sex. It was awesome. But we've lost Bill (Stephen Moyer) to his weird Lillith super powers and hallucinations, Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) is being as unsexy as possible, and now Alcide (Joe Manganiello) is power-tripping as pack leader, stealing children and frowning a lot. What the fuck, True Blood?

I mean, let's be honest: We have never rooted for Sookie. She's whiny and the whole gorgeous-men-falling-into-her-lap thing was seriously intolerable. But we could root for the men. We wanted Lafayette to make it through the tough brujo thing post-Jesus, we wanted Eric to be better, and we wanted Alcide to be happy (and more naked. A lot more naked). Now? Eric has taken an angry and sort of perverted turn, while Alcide is all growling and changed morals. (Plus, his new girlfriend is a total bitch.) He stole a kid. Whose mom has just died. Is there anything less cute?

One season ago, Alcide was saving Sookie and being a generally good guy, and now he's kidnapping children? What the hell? In fact, this whole episode was just a kidnapping extravaganza, what with Eric taking the governor's daughter (which got weird, right?), and Bill clearly planning to steal one of Andy Bellefleur's fairy daughters for their magical blood. Newsflash True Blood writers: No one likes children being taken. Sookie's misfortunes are whatever — she sort of deserves what she gets — but Emma, fairy babies, and the Governor's daughter? They are all innocent pawns in a larger game and seeing them suffer is a decent incentive not to continue watching.

The only one left to love is Lafayette. Because, as usual, he turned it out, taking care of Emma while Sam still had her and helping Sam when he was in need. It's really a shame we don't 100 percent want to see him naked, because he is the only likable character now.

Image: HBO