Back in Oct. 2013, the Jonas Brothers cancelled their tour, deactivated their Twitter account, and announced a breakup. The JoBros are NoBros (eh, that doesn't work because they're still brothers. Forget I made that joke). So what does a JoBro do with his newfound free time? If your guess was "Become an Uber driver," I'm mightily impressed. Is your name Cordelia? Because you've got the sight! Thursday, Joe "Middle JoBro" Jonas was the chauffeur for two unsuspecting Uber customers in Los Angeles. AHHH! And one of the customers tweeted about it (bless her): "@lindseyfarwell: Today @millsbopp and I got in an @Uber and @joejonas was our driver and we went to Pinkberry and then took a selfie."
AHHH!!!!! I PROBABLY WOULD'VE BEEN TOO BUSY FAINTING TO SNAP A SELFIE. I admire their strength.
Do you know what this means for me? I must book so many Uber trips. I have to try. The slim chance that I could open that car door and see Jonas would be worth all of the trouble. Jonas the Uber Driver might've been a one-time thing, but what if it isn't? I will hold onto that glimmer of hope. Each trip I book will be a risk I'm willing to take.
You want to know what I'd do if Joe Jonas was my Uber driver? Don't worry, I'm 15 steps ahead of you. Here's my dream Joe Jonas Uber scenario (fret not! In my dream scenario, I don't faint):
K: (Opens Uber car door) I'm going to the Arcli— OH MY GOD.
J: The Arclight Pasadena. I know. You already booked the trip. You don't have to tell me the location. This isn't a cab.
K: Oh my god.
J: Is something wrong?
K: I… uh… no. Nope. I can play it cool.
J: Really? Because if you asked me, I'd say you're… BURNIN' UP.
K: Holy shit. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. You just made a JoBros joke. And here I thought we'd end up never acknowledging the fact that you're Joe Jonas. Screw it. I'm ditching the movie. We're going for a joyride.
J: I can't do that.
K: What? Uber is going to fire Joe Jonas? DOUBT IT.
J: You're right. This could be fun. Let's do this. Spontaneity. Where do you want to go?
K: There's a Sonic Drive-In in Fullerton…
J: I think there's also one in Duarte. Duarte is much closer.
K: Too short of a drive. Would not be enough time with Joe Jonas. Fullerton or bust.
CUT TO: The Fullerton Sonic Drive-In.
K: …and that's why I love a Sonic grilled cheese sandwich.
J: Because they sometimes cut it on a very uneven diagonal? That's it?
K: When you say it like that, it sounds silly. But there's something so nice about the sloppiness of the cut of the sandwich.
J: Hm. (Drinks Banana Cream Pie Shake)
K: How is that?
K: I TOLD YOU SO. I can't believe this is the first time you've experienced the perfection that is the Sonic Banana Cream Pie Shake.
J: (Laughs) Hey. Don't tell anyone, but I'm not going to charge you for the Uber.
K: You don't have to do that!
J: No, I don't. But I want to.
K: Aw. Thanks, friend! ...Can I call you "friend?"
J: Of course.
Joe and Kristie spend the drive back to Los Angeles scream-singing along with "Stay" by Rihanna. They sing it multiple times. It's the best.