8 Best Fake Kissing Positions For New Year's Eve

Ad failed to load

In my brief history of being a human, I've only ever had two New Year's Eve kisses that weren't total letdowns. One was with my dog back in 2008 (because omg puppy kisses), and one was with a person who I thought might be the love of my life, only to realize a few months later that this wasn't, in fact, the case (we're still friends, guys — I promise this story isn't that pathetic). That's why having a few fake kissing positions to try by yourself, hilarious though they may seem, in your make-out arsenal is also sort of brilliant. The thing about a New Year's Eve kiss is that it's pretty much just like any other kiss, only way more disappointing because you've spent the last few weeks hyping it up to be the defining, climactic moment of the holiday season, and a romantic scene-setter for the next 12 months of your life. This year, don't depend on anyone else to give you what you want — with these fake kissing positions, you can be your own New Year's Eve kiss. And really, can you think of anyone better to ring in the new year with?

So grab a glass of champagne, put on a swipe of lipstick, and prepare to pucker up. Whether you're single or in a relationship, trying to survive a New Year's Eve party with a date or sitting on the couch by yourself watching the ball drop, remember that you don't need anyone but your fine self to get 2016 off to an amazing start. Give yourself some love — you deserve it.

1. Make out with the inside of your elbow

Ad failed to load

If you want to get 2016 kicked off right, rely on the one person who never lets you down — yourself. This move is dumb easy. Simply raise your elbow to your lips, and give it a smooch. Bonus: since this move only requires one arm, you don't even have to put down your champagne glass.

2. Wrap your hands around the back of your neck

Ad failed to load

Another oldie but goodie. Put your arms around your back, and place your hands on the back of your head and neck so that it looks like someone is making out with you —classic, and possibly even a little convincing. (OK, probably not at all convincing, but it's a new year and you DGAF what the haters have to say.)

3. Wear a cardigan, and THEN wrap your hands around the back of your neck

Ad failed to load

This one requires an extra step, but that's OK because it's 2016, and you're not cutting any corners this year. Make sure to bring a cardigan with you to the night's festivities, and then when the time is right (approximately 11:59 p.m.), put it on backwards around your front. Assume the "Wrap Hands Around Neck" kissing position mentioned earlier, and boom: it looks like you have a real life human entangled around your being.

4. Two words: Selfie stick

Ad failed to load

If one of your 2016 resolutions is to be more openminded toward selfie sticks, or if you simply want photographic evidence that you did, in fact, have a kiss this New Year's Eve (even if that kiss is with yourself), this is the position for you. Pucker up, and position the selfie stick so that it looks like whoever you're kissing is standing just outside the frame of the photo. Brilliant. Just know that if you try this, you'll also be that girl with the selfie stick at the New Year's Eve party. Which isn't a bad thing — it's just good to mentally prepare yourself for that title in advance.

5. Kiss a mirror

Ad failed to load

You're already checking out your reflection — because damn those sequins look good — so go ahead and give yourself a quick peck. It's basically the same as kissing another person, only that other person is the incredible, amazing you.

6. Mistletoe and chill — by yourself

Ad failed to load

Sidle up under the mistletoe, and have a romantic moment with yourself. You're not going to find any better person to hang out with on New Year's Eve, and honestly, I can't think of a more rad way to usher in 2016 than by basking in the glory of your own greatness.

7. Keep your lips occupied with another glass of champagne

Ad failed to load

While everyone else around you is making out, take this opportunity to down another glass (or bottle) of champagne. New Year's Eve kisses are overrated.

8. Go for a Hershey's Kiss instead of a real life kiss

Ad failed to load

Because chocolate is greater than people, and I don't foresee that changing in 2016.

Looking for more holiday cheer? Check out Bustle on YouTube.

Bustle on YouTube
Ad failed to load

Images: Cora Foxx/Bustle

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

7 Signs Your Partner Is "The One," Even If They Have Commitment Issues

There's nothing better than finding that one person you could actually see yourself spending the rest of your life with. However, realizing that your partner has commitment issues can put a damper on things. It may even have you questioning whether o…
By Kristine Fellizar

Bustle's Editors On Florida + Fergie

Welcome to a new week, Bustle readers! February is already more than halfway through, and the weather feels way more like spring than winter right now — but don't get used to it. There's a lot to recap today, from the latest on the tragic Parkland sh…
By Rachel Simon

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

19 Things Your Parents Told You Were Illegal In The '90s

Kids say — and think — the darnedest things. We have overactive imaginations, adults like to mess with us, and we don't always understand everything we hear. That's why some kids call strawberries "straw babies" — a boo-boo so adorable, you don't eve…
By Megan Grant

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

I Never Want To Write This Essay Again

I don't know where you were when you heard about Wednesday's high school shooting in Parkland, Florida. I don't know what you were doing, or how you tried to process the news. I do know this: you thought to yourself, not again. And yet, again. Of cou…
By Jenny Hollander

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Kate Middleton Made Sales Of This $1 Secret Accessory Spike & She'll Turn You Into A Believer

There's a royal epidemic going on, people. It's one that causes any and everyone to obsess over the royal family's wardrobe and beauty routines, even if it means breaking the bank to look like them. So a frenzy was expected when Kate Middleton report…
By Summer Arlexis

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper