Scheana Gets A Little Philosophical on 'Pump'

This week, the Vanderpump Rules crap hit the fan. Eh, the crap is always hitting the fan. And that's why it's the best show. For those who don’t carve out an hour of their Monday night for the SUR staff, here’s what went down: Tom Sandoval and Kristen’s relationship continued to be an unhealthy dungheap, Tom Sandoval told Stassi he did make out with Ariana in a pool years ago, and everyone else in the cast was like, “Forget Tom Sandoval and Kristen.” Meanwhile, Jax went to jail for four days and no one was any the wiser. Until he told everyone. And everyone laughed at him. Everyone is so nice.

Scheana had a pretty great episode, however. The singer/model/writer’s boyfriend, Shay (Mike?), proposed! Aw. Everything's coming up Scheana!

As cute as Scheana’s engagement was, nothing could’ve overshadowed the hovering storm cloud that was the Tom Sandoval/Kristen/Ariana drama. And Scheana, being good friends with Ariana, had no choice but to weigh in. Until this point, Scheana stood by the statement “Nothing happened between Ariana and Tom Sandoval.” Because Ariana told her nothing happened between her and Tom Sandoval. And she believed Ariana. Because friends are inclined to believe their friends. Because friendship.

When the truth about the pool make out emerged, Scheana was peeved that Ariana had lied to her. In a confessional, Scheana rambled about not being culpable and what makes a lie and what makes a truth. It was amazing.

Don’t get it twisted, I adore Scheana. And don’t get it twisted, part two, I also get rambly. I get it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to appreciate/pick apart what she said. I’m a jerk, but I’m a loving jerk.

Am I qualified to analyze the logic of any statement? Um, probably not. Allow me to look at my résumé. Oh! I took a few logic/argumentation classes in college AND I did debate in high school, so sure. Let's just say I’m qualified. Why not? (I'm totally not qualified.)

So, what did Scheana say? Why don't we take a peek?:

“I definitely feel stupid because I don’t want to look like a liar.”

My initial interpretation: Scheana believes that the sheer act of not wanting to look like a liar makes her feel stupid. Wait, what?

That doesn’t seem right. Let me try again.

OHHHHH! I see. Scheana feels stupid because she unintentionally lied to everyone. Oh okay. I follow you, Scheana. Cool cool cool.

What’s that, Scheana? You’re not done? There's more? Go on...

“But Ariana lying to me made me lie to everyone.”

The use of the word “made” is intriguing. Did Ariana’s lie make Scheana lie to everyone? Was Ariana’s lie forceful and aggressive? Did Ariana’s lie blackmail Scheana?

Ah no, that seems silly. I need to take a look at that sentence again.

OHHHHH! I think I get it. Ariana told her a lie. Scheana thought the lie was the truth. She repeated the lie (because she thought it was the truth). She didn’t have to repeat the lie, but she did it anyway. I did some logic math to help me comprehend:

“What Ariana Told Scheana”=“A”“What Scheana Told Everyone Else Ariana Told Scheana”=“B”“A Lie”=“C”Therefore: If "A"="B", and "A"="C", then "B"="C."

Scheana told everyone else a lie. Accidentally. The act of Ariana lying didn't make Scheana tell a lie. BUT the lie altered her sense of reality. And she repeated said lie. Because she thought it was true.

“But the way I saw it was that I was telling the truth because I didn’t know the truth.”

Is she saying that if you think something is the truth, it’s the truth until it’s proven otherwise? Is this an intent versus impact issue? Can truth be relative? I should know the answers to all of these questions, but I'm a little foggy. College was a while ago. If my memory serves me correctly, there are some postmodern philosophers who assert that truth can be relative. Hm. Maybe. Don't hold me to that. My head hurts.

“So by her lying to me, was able to make me not lie.”

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