9 Feminist Inspirational Quotes From Samantha Bee To Inspire Your Inspiration

Coco Chanel, Marilyn Monroe, Holly Golightly — just a short list of fictional and non-fictional women who've said some stuff about the floweriness of being a woman. But when it comes to the gritty realities of the feminine mystique, Samantha Bee's most feminist quotes really nail it. So riddle me this, America: where are all the tranquil landscapes with her immortal words photoshopped onto them in brush script?

During her tenure at The Daily Show, Bee has turned her beautiful, acerbic brain to a litany of lady topics. From women in combat, to reproductive freedom, to the double standard in fashion, this funny Canadian has said plenty of spot-on things that are worthy of being printed on t-shirts, decorative catch-all tins, keychains, and other paraphernalia. With the premiere of her own show, Full Frontal With Samantha Bee, on the horizon, we’re looking forward to even more patriarchy-skewering, bitingly sarcastic witticisms. It’s high time that somebody made these babies into motivational posters.

We've teamed up with TBS's Full Frontal With Samantha Bee and taken the liberty of committing her most lady-spirational sayings to inspirational stock photography. Catch the premiere of Full Frontal With Samantha Bee , premiering tonight, February 8th, at 10:30/ 9:30 C. on TBS. You’re welcome, world.

1. On Losing Your Virginity

In her collection of essays I Know I Am, But What Are You? Bee spills about how painfully awkward losing your virginity is (emphasis on the painful part). In short, blossoming into sexual womanhood is less of a magic carpet ride and more of a flight on a rickety jet undergoing massive turbulence. You can be honest about it.

2. On The Beauty Of Judy Blume

Anyone who follows Bee on Twitter knows that her feed is a well of wisdom for the discerning woman. This tweet encapsulates the one question you should pose to yourself during any existential crisis: what would Judy Blume do?

3. On The Role Of The Wife In Political Scandals

In a 2008 Daily Show segment about the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal, Bee asked the pivotal question: what are the supportive, cheated-on spouses thinking during these sex scandal apology press conferences? She ventures a guess, along the lines of—"Does this skirt make my ass look humiliated?"

4. On Fashion

How do you strike that perfect style balance between highlighting that bod and not giving people the wrong idea? Dress for the person you want to be — even if that person is the brand mascot of a company that makes frozen fish sticks.

5. On The Metaphorical Sausage Party

In a promo for her upcoming show, Bee gazes on a gallery wall full of portraits of the overwhelmingly male late night hosts. When a waiter offers her a sausage, she utters the above line. PREACH.

6. On "Muffin Tops"

Bee takes on body-shamers in this one, perfect, baked-goods related tweet. CRUSHED IT.

7. On The Burden Of Shaving

It's not unsightly calf fuzz; it's a gorgeous, rolling field of tall grass on your body.

8. On #FitnessGoals

Screw bikini season. Sweater weather is what should inform your body goals.

9. On Loving Yourself

Society may have a vested commercial interest in making women criticize themselves — it's a large part of what growing up as a girl is about. But like Bee says in an essay she penned for the Wall Street Journal in 2010, you don't have to give them the satisfaction. You're brilliant, bodacious, and charming as sh*t and you damn well know it.

This post is sponsored by Full Frontal With Samantha Bee, premiering tonight Monday, Feb. 8 at 10:30/ 9:30 C. on TBS.

Images: TBS; Caroline Wurztel / Bustle (9)