It was only a matter of time before Madonna threw her support behind Miley Cyrus' reign of terror and that time has finally come. Madonna will join Miley Cyrus on MTV special, Miley Cyrus: Unplugged, and we're scared imagining how this will pan out. These two performers are quite the match made in controversial heaven. Madonna is the original Queen of Controversy and, judging from the past six months, Cyrus might be next in line to inherit the crown (sorry, Lady Gaga). We'll have to wait until Wednesday night to find out much of a bad influence these two will be on each other, but that's not stopping our imaginations from running wild right now.
So where does Madonna fit into the "intimate evening" reliving the history of Miley Cyrus's career? In the past, Madonna's brought a little something extra to each of her performances — a three-way make out session, M.I.A's middle finger, and a big, white cowboy hat possibly stolen from Dolly Parton — so what will she bring Wednesday night? We can't answer that question, but we can hope that they don't bring any of these 5 things along on Wednesday night:
Flipping The Bird
I know, M.I.A's middle finger stole the show at Madonna's 2012 Super Bowl performance, but did you know that Madge is pretty great at flipping the bird herself? Well, she is. And Cyrus isn't a stranger to it either. But honestly, we could do without a middle finger-heavy performance of "We Can't Stop".
Please, just never again. I know, this is Unplugged and it probably won't be full of costume changes, but we had to go here. At the 2003 VMAs, Madonna, Britney, and Christina rocked these wedding-inspired ensembles and at the 2014 Grammys, Madonna went full-wedding again in her all-white three-piece suit to witness the marriage of a large group of couples during Macklemore and Ryan Lewis's performance of "Same Love." That woman must really love a good wedding. But some things are better left in the past — unless she's going to dig her "Like A Virgin" gown out of the depths of her closet, in which case, bring it back in all of it's glory.
It was shocking and hilarious when the camera panned to Justin Timberlake's unamused face but at the same time, so distracting. Does anyone remember the actual performance and the fact that Missy Elliott made a guest appearance? Probably not. Madonna made history in 2003 with this performance and Miley referenced it in her Barbara Walters interview when she claimed that she, too, had made history in 2013. That may be true, but it wouldn't make history for them to live in the past together.
It's 2014 now — therefore, twerking is over. And if Cyrus is going for an "intimate evening" she might want to lay off the ass-shaking and just connect with her fans. Things could also take a seriously bizarre turn if Miley were to twerk on Madonna while she's rocking one of those three-piece suits again, like in her Grammy performance. Because let's be serious, there's no way Madonna's going to twerk on Miley.
Madge rocked a gold tooth way back when, but recently started dabbling in the fabulous tooth-bling known as "grills". I mean, considering she voluntarily wore a gold tooth, we aren't surprised that she's chosen to rock the more current tooth-embellishing trend. But we're praying to the gods that she leaves them at home. Because even though there are plenty of weird turns this collaboration could take, matching grills but be one of the strangest.
Please, MTV or Madonna or the powers that be, don't let this happen.