Need a new show to watch? Need some free television now that your cable is out? Need something to tab over to while you try to discreetly purchase a vibrator online? Never fear, my friend, your online haven is here: Amazon has five new midseason pilots for you to enjoy at your convenience. Two of them, The After and Bosch, are hour-long drama shows, while Transparent, Rebels and Mozart in the Jungle are all half-hour comedies. While Amazon's original programming has yet to reach the popularity of Netflix shows like House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black, its last pilot season resulted in Alpha House getting picked up, so these may at least be worth a try. You can watch them all for free on Amazon.
But hey, maybe you're an actual person, with real things to do other than watch Netflix and slowly add to the growing pile of crumbs on your bed. Never fear! We have a guide for you...
Bosch is based on the bestselling crime novel series by Michael Connelly (who co-writes for the show). The series follows Henry Bosch, an LAPD homicide detective trying to find the killer of a 13-year-old boy while he also stands on trial in court as a suspect in the murder of a serial killer.
Anybody you know? Titus Welliver (The Man in Black on Lost) and Jaime Hector (Marlo Stanfield on The Wire)
For people who wanna watch: Murder mysteries, The Killing
The After takes place in a strange and disastrous world and follows eight strangers who are mysteriously thrown together and must help each other survive.
Anybody you know? Created by Chris Carter, who created The X-Files
For people who wanna watch: The X Files (duh), Lost
A black comedy about an L.A. family with "serious boundaries issues" whose secrets start to spill out after someone dramatically reveals a secret.
Anybody you know? Created by Jill Soloway, who wrote for Six Feet Under, and starring Arrested Development's Jeffrey Tambor
For people who wanna watch: Arrested Development, Six Feet Under, any comedy that's been on HBO in the past five years
A sports comedy woman who becomes the owner of a pro football team after her husband dies.
Anybody you know? Michael Strahan from Live with Kelly and Michael, also Josh Peck from Drake and Josh, also Ice Cube?
For people who wanna watch: Weeds, but with more football and less drugs
Mozart in the Jungle
Based on the memoir of the same name, Mozart in the Jungle is a comedy that goes behind the scenes in the world of classical music to take a look at the sex, drugs, and other hazards in the lives of classical musicians.
Anybody you know? Written by Roman Coppola, who's worked on a number of Wes Anderson films, and Jason Schwartzman, who's acted in a number of Wes Anderson films. Starring Malcolm McDowell (from your favorite Sprint commercials), Gael Garcia Bernal, and Lola Kirke (sister of Jemima Kirke from GIRLS).
For people who wanna watch: Wes Anderson movies, GIRLS but with more classical music