In Other News, July 11, 2013: Gosling Manifestos, Slurpees, and 'Hey Arnold!' All Grown Up

'In Other News' is Bustle's daily roundup of the stories, videos, and more media you might have missed.

Microsoft has shuffled around its leadership structure, and now a real-live woman, Julia Larson Green, is running Xbox. Disgruntled gamers aren't pleased, and are posting comments like: "why can't they get someone hotter" and lamenting she'll make games "dedicated to baking and knitting." #guyswewillneversleepwith

In 1956, the government decided to test out a flying saucer. Really. The full document has recently been unearthed, and you can read it here.

The EU has now banned flavored and menthol cigarettes. (The thinking behind the ban is that they're more attractive to kids.)

It's emerged that the CIA allowed 9/11 mastermind Khalid Mohammad to design a vacuum, read Harry Potter, and eat cookies during his time in custody. Apparently, he really enjoyed the Potter books. Yup.

Even though wannabe-comptroller Eliot Spitzer penned a Slate column last year entitled "Why I Am Voting For Barack Obama," he actually didn't even show up to the 2012 elections. Awkward.

BREAKING NEWS: TODAY IS FREE SLURPEE DAY. GET YOUR FREE SLURPEE HERE.

New research from the Pew Research Center found that three-quarters of people under-thirty believe that both men and women should work after marriage. The younger you get, apparently, the more likely you are to favor the dual-income model. And then, there's student loans.

Another happy study has discovered that old people today remember more than old people ten years ago. This generation of elderly has better memory than the last, which implies that by the time we're 80 we'll be downright bionic.

The long-running parody Joan Didion account—which admits to being a parody in its tagline—tweeted about "quitting Twitter," and the WSJ promptly ran an article entitled: "Joan Didion Tweets About Quitting Twitter." We wanted to believe it too.

Think you know your Disney? Go on, then, guess the anonymous Disney narrative here.

Out this month is ESPN Magazine's annual Body Issue, which features 21 athletes—both male and female—in all their naked, naked glory.

Hello.

Here's a brand-new invention we can't believe nobody thought of before. Well, actually, it's a parody and thank God for that, but watch it anyway. Two words: penis diapers.

Above Average on YouTube

Ryan Gosling has penned a manifesto about improving the treatment of animals, which basically turns into him going on about how much he loves his dog.

And finally, look what your favorite cartoon characters from the '90s look like now. (Hint:unrealistically hot hipsters).

(Images: ESPN Magazine, Sharknado, Slurpee)