I will always have a soft spot for Martha Stewart. Prison stint aside, her Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe has never done me wrong — and, as every baker knows, when you find a good chocolate chip cookie recipe, you grab it, and you hang onto it, and you never let it go. Ever. Every so often I’ve been tempted to drop her an email to ask her what it is about that recipe that results in such perfect cookies every time; I’ve always chickened out, though. You don’t bug Martha unless you really have to.
But wouldn’t you know it, the domestic goddess made herself available to reddit today, participating in the time-honored tradition of celebrity AMAs. Or rather, celebrity AMAAs — Martha opted go for the “Ask Me Almost Anything” format, probably so as to avoid responding to anything she didn’t feel like answering, smart. She did, however, cover a pretty broad spectrum of topics, from cooking and homemaking tips (which were to be expected) to her thoughts on things like dildos.
Yes, dildos.
Here are my favorite highlights:
1. On Aquavit and Signature Cocktails:
That sounds divine. Is it five o’clock yet?
2. On the Difference Between Snacks and Hors d’Oeuvres:
I can only assume that the dreaded auto-correct turned “hors d’oeuvres” into “hors devours,” because the idea of Martha Stewart not knowing how to spell “hors d’oeuvres” is unthinkable.
3. On the Perfect Apples for Apple Pie:
I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen either of those at my grocery store, but maybe my local farmer’s market is a better place to get apple pie apples, anyway.
4. On the Importance of Manners:
THIS. A thousand times this.
5. On the Craziest Thing in Her Kitchen:
For the curious, it “catamole” rhymes with “guacamole,” and it looks like this:
Get it?
6. On Freezing Unusual Items:
She has a point. Why would you freeze cottage cheese?
7. On What She Does for Fun:
A woman after my own heart.
8. On How to Keep Your Towels Fluffy:
Huh. Good to know.
9. On Cookies (And Also Neighbors):
I love that she remembers her neighbors — or at least their house. Also, if I could have gotten cookies from Martha Stewart at Halloween, I would never have stopped trick-or-treating. Ever. I would still be doing it now, in fact. Anyone else? No? Just me? OK then.
10. On Being President:
Are you listening, Hillary?
11. On Keeping the Past in the Past:
Fair enough. Although not going to lie: I really want to know what that nickname was.
12. On Sex:
Cleanliness is next to...well, you know what I mean.
And to follow that up…
13. On Sex Toys:
If you have never read any of Jolie Kerr’s wonderful “Ask a Clean Person” columns on The Hairpin, I highly suggest you check them out — and, incidentally, she just wrote a book, so you should check that out, too. Seeing Martha and the Anti-Martha talking about dildos might have just made my head explode. So, y’know… watch yourself on the way out.
14. On Being Martha Stewart:
Although she does also give credit elsewhere in the AMA to her wonderful staff, so hoorah for that.
Image: Martha Stewart/Reddit
