'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Asks for More Cash, We're Worried About Cast Changes

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills be negotiatin’. According to Radar Online, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Brandi Glanville, and Lisa Vanderpump have joined forces because they want more Housewives moolah. Allegedly, they're asking for more money, and all will bail on the show if their demands aren't met. A source told Radar that Bravo is all about keeping these ladies around, so the network might do what it can to hang on to 'em.

While some of the Housewives may be getting a hefty raise, another source says costars Joyce Giraud and Carlton Gebbia have yet to receive fresh contracts. This could mean nothing, but it could also mean a cast overhaul. Translation: Carlton and Joyce might be Housewives no more. UH OH. I don't like that possibility one bit. (Wait a tick. What about Yolanda Foster?! Where is she in this conversation?!)

The Housewives could pay their lawyers to draw up contracts and negotiate on their behalves. That's probably the wisest course of action. BUT say they asked me for my help. What would I do? I'd go a different route. I’d throw together a sales pitch. Said sales pitch would include visual aids. Oh, wait. I've already thrown together said sales pitch.

A Pitch To Bravo on Behalf of the Beverly Hills Housewives:

Hello Bravo executives. You might be debating whether or not you’re going to raise the Beverly Hills Housewives’ salaries, per their alleged requests. You might be debating whether or not their respective roles in the cast are worth whatever amount they’re asking for.

I'm going to keep it simple.

You cannot afford to lose Brandi:

You cannot afford to lose the Sisters Richards:

You cannot afford to lose Yolanda:

You cannot afford to lose Lisa (or Giggy or Ken):

And as for newbies Joyce and Carlton? You cannot afford to lose them:

I mean, one thought the other put a curse on her:

TV doesn't get much better. Do what you gotta do to keep the cast intact.

If those videos didn't resonate with you, perhaps this will:

The end.

(Bows and sits down)

Images: Bravo