These 'Game of Thrones' Texts Will Have You Rolling Faster Than Ned Stark's Head
Not that there's much about HBO's Game of Thrones that's passive-aggressive — spearing someone through the skull with a sword is about as active as one can get — but the art of text messaging sure as shit can be. And when you pair the evil machinations of everyone's favorite Westerosi folk with that meaning-removed medium, beautiful hilarity results. All of which is evidenced in Huffington Post's delightfully playful (and terribly humorous) text messages from The Realm.
After this week's episode, "First of His Name," there were plenty of awkward moments worthy of textual translation. Because let's be honest: this confrontations, if held in our modern times, would totally not happen in person but rather over text. Because who likes to deal head-on with tricky topics, amirite? That's so 90s of you! Especially the snippy girl-on-girl insecurity attacks (see: Lysa Arryn/Sansa Stark and any time Margaery and Cersei get together). Reading these is like imagining Game of Thrones if it took place in a high school — and honestly the two places might be just as deadly, at least on a metaphorical level.
So, without further ado, check out the texts. Our only complaint is that it needs more Hodor. Because Hodor.
Probably what came next: "LOL/JK…but seriously if I even think you might have even thought a dirty thought about my new husband Littlefinger I will literally throw you out the Moon Door."
They say step one is admitting you have a problem…
Well obviously they can't Hodor because otherwise Hodor Hodor in the Hodor. JEEZ YOU REALLY DO KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW!
Craster's Wives: the original Sweet Browns.
OK we get it, Jojen — you can see things (greenly)! NO SPOILERS ALLOWED THIS IS 2014!
Oh that Margaery. I don't have any sort of appropriate caption for this other than: aaaahahahahahaha and also WOOPS underage sex jokes are creepy.
These two are totally the new Regina and Cady.
Image: HBO /HuffingtonPost