Germany Beats Team USA 1-0, But The U.S. Is Far From Done

Unless you've been living under a rock or have already passed out from the excessive game-day day drinking, you'll know that the Germany-U.S.A game has ended with U.S.A. losing 1-0. Which sucks, sure — but it ain't over. Because Portugal has won without passing the U.S. in goal differential (as in, Portugal won by one goal, and the U.S. only lost by one), #TeamUSA is going on to the Round of 16. In other words: we will have more day drinking. WE WILL. It was a high-tension, high-stakes game which inspired Nazi comparisons. Jermaine Jones knocked himself out on a referee. A fan stormed the pitch, pausing the game briefly. Four minutes were added. And the U.S. nearly — nearly — lost 2-0, which would have meant we were outta there entirely. But we endured. We survived. Ok, so the loss stings a little (it's not the first, or even the second, time the U.S. has lost to Germany.) But admittedly, Germany's Thomas Muller was on form — he's scored 9 goals in 9 games before today's match, in spite of needing five stitches after the Ghana game. And in spite of a great save from U.S.A.'s epic goalkeeper Tim Howard, Muller scored the winning goal against the U.S. in the 55th minute, giving Germany its 1-0 lead over the United States.

Thanks to the fact that Portugal won against Ghana in 2-1 in the simultaneous match (here's to you, Cristiano Ronaldo!), the Americans will go on, most probably against Belgium in the Round of 16. Sure, we were all rooting for `#TeamUSA (or at least drinking for them), but this means that we're onto the knockout round. Which means that there will be more partying, more drinking, and definitely more days off work — right, Gov. Cuomo?