Selfie Toasters Are Here! Because Who Needs Jet Packs When You Can Eat Toast With Your Face On It.
There now exists a selfie toaster — a toaster that will make you toast with an image of your face on it. Yes, really. Is the world ready for this? Who knows. I personally find myself torn between making a joke about this giving whole new meaning to the phrase "eat your face" and a joke about how long it will take before people are mass producing toast with the face of Jesus.
The toasters are each custom made and come to us mere mortals via the Vermont Novelty Toaster Corp., which launched the project quietly last month. The company previously sold toasters that produced images of specific people, like Jesus, Mary, or Edgar Allen Poe (one these things is not like the other...), along with Peace Sign Toasters, Rapture Toasters, and toasters that could spell out a short message of your choosing. But with the new Selfie Toaster option, the company is clearly expanding into ever more complex custom designs. It's a whole new world, ladies and gentlemen.
Not all photos work, of course — there's a limit to how much detail you can really expect a toaster to deliver while burning your bread. But the company says they do their best to make sure every customer is a happy customer. "If we squint and can't see your face," the website says, "we will cancel [the] order and refund your purchase."
The company has already filled their first round of orders, and now that they're confident in their ability to meet demand, they're more or less shouting "Toast Selfies!" from the rooftops. And the people have come running. Because really, what's $75 compared to seeing your face on a piece of toast? Which would you rather have, honestly? I thought so.
The only real question that remains is how long it takes before someone takes a selfie of themselves eating selfie toast, thereby shattering the space-time continuum and blowing a hole in the universe.
Image: Vermont Novelty Toaster Corporation