Would You Eat This Burger?

Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe, whose seventh landslide victory last week raised international suspicions once again, told his defeated opponents that if they were unhappy with the election's results, they could "go hang" themselves. A great day for democracy!

The first thing doctors told this 15-year-old boy from Georgia was that he had six months to live due to an enlarged heart. The second thing they told him was that his history of bad grades and trouble with the law could be his death sentence. He's been deemed ineligible for a transplant by his local children's hospital due to a history of "noncompliance."

Forgot your middle sister's birthday again this year? Don't worry, there's a national holiday for that. Nothing says "I promise I love you as much as your siblings" like a Middle Child Day present!

Apparently the path to entrepreneurial riches is paved with... pot smoke and high SAT scores? A new study finds that the winning formula for rich entrepreneurs involves scoring high on both the “Illicit Activity Index” and on more, well, traditional testing standards.

The writers of Finding Dory, Pixar's sequel to Finding Nemo, have revised the script following the release of a documentary that blames SeaWorld for the deaths of three people killed by a captive killer whale. The film, slated for 2015, will now make it clear that Dory is free to "just keep swimming" right out of SeaWorld if she so pleases.

Out with the cronut, and in with the newest NYC food mashup craze, chef Keizo Shimamoto's "Ramen Burger":

And if the world is seeming a little dark these days, just watch this baby panda meet its mama for the very first time:

(Photo: Ramen Burger, Facebook)