Michael Bay Movies Are Bad For Your Health, Says Science

Confirming what we all knew in our heart of hearts, science has now proven Michael Bay movies are bad for your health. Turns out the movie theater equivalent of rotting your teeth out with candy could...well, actually rot your insides out with all kinds of junk food. Somewhere in the world a thousand movie critics are punching the air.

I only sometimes believe in the concept of guilty pleasures — my time believing in the "guilty" part of the equation is usually when I'm ten episodes into a Baby Daddy marathon — so if you're a fan of Michael Bay movies more power to ya. But science is science, yo: Rarely definitive and definitely something we only listen to when we feel like it. Right now I'm feeling it, though.

Here's what went down: Cornell's Food and Brand Lab did an experiment on 94 college students. According to the Los Angeles Times the goal of the study was to find out whether the content of the stuff we watch affects how much we pig out while watching it. So they plopped students in front of two very different things: One group in front of Charlie Rose, another in front of 20 minutes of Bay's The Island (a third group watched 20 minutes of the movie without the sound on). All had a wide variety of snacks in front of them. The ones in front of the Bay movie reportedly "ate 98% more food and 65% more calories than the students who watched Charlie Rose.

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It should be noted that a study published in the International Journal Of Behavioral Nutrition And Physical Activity was reported in July that watching engrossing television makes you snack more. In June it was reported that binge-watching can kill you. So as much as this pains me to write, this may not all be Michael Bay's fault — you're probably snacking inordinate amounts during Scandal, too.

I'm still gonna blame Michael Bay, though.