Fashion

Cynthia Rowley's New Line of Activewear is Perfect For Every Sport You Didn't Know You Loved, From SkyDiving to Spelunking

Cynthia Rowley has done pretty and artsy, but for the first time ever, she's doing sporty. And not sweaty-yoga-pants sporty or vaguely-inspired-by-horseback-riding sporty; this line is a full-fledged, wear-to-the-gym-and-look-good-doing-it, comes-with-matching-golden-helmet sporty.

Her first-ever line of activewear is everything we've ever wanted in gym clothes: tight, stylish, and a little bit implausible. Wondering which extreme, ultra-competitive sport you should take up next? Let Rowley's activewear inspire you.

by Tori Telfer

100-Meter Dash

You’re clad like the zebra, so now it’s time to run like one. Pretend the paparazzi are cheetahs! No paparazzi around? Pretend the cheetahs are paparazzi!

Boxing Coach

Whip your weak, sissified clients into shape while wearing a tracksuit that says, “I was the boxing champion of '89 and Miss America the same year, loser.”

Diving

In a denim romper as blue and mysterious as the waves, you’re absolutely ready to jump off the highest diving board into the deepest pool, just as soon you you change out of your denim romper.

Suntanning

Tan lines be dammed. When you commit to a sport, you commit all the way, even if it involves complete stillness. When you tan, you tan with PASSION.

Hurdles

The graphic designs on this streamlined romper will distract the audience from noticing that you’ve knocked down, like, 50 percent of the hurdles on the course.

Lifeguarding

Regular lifeguards wear red, but intimidating lifeguards who are already tweeting mean, anonymous comments about the swimmers wearing black with daisy appliqués.

Underwater Hockey

Get your Octopush on (not a fake name) when you play a game of hockey entirely underwater. The sport needs more publicity, and this sleek black-and-white outfit will certainly help.

Cross-Country

Lace up your Birkenstock-inspired sandals and hit the desert road. The long sleeves will protect you from the sun, and the colorblocking will make you look like the sort of greased lightening that comes before a really awful tornado.

Husband Carrying

This sport doesn’t exist yet, but that’s never stopped you. When you learned that wife carrying was a thing in Finland, it didn’t take you long to organize the world’s first husband carrying team in response. Your team has a husband fatality rate of over 80 percent, but that hasn’t stopped you yet.

Wrestling

Men are always making disgusting jokes about your status as the fiercest female wrestler this side of the Mississippi. That is, they make disgusting jokes for about five seconds — and then you’ve got them in a crossface cradle pin.

Gymnastics

You’ve never won a gold medal, but that hasn’t stopped you from plastering the metallic all over your gear. The power of positive thinking, eh?

Horseback Riding

Your all-white uniform is a sly jab at gender roles of old, when women were forced to wear virginal, constricting dresses and ride side-saddle. (Your gear does get really dirty while you’re traveling the dusty trail, though.)

SkyDiving

You were by far the most fashionable thing plummeting from the sky last Thursday morning.

Ultramarathon Running

You read Born to Run in one fevered, overnight flash, and now your life is all 100-mile jogs and extra-large pizzas afterward.

Caber Toss

You throw gigantic pieces of wood into the air for a living. It’s whatever.

Polo

You’ve beaten Prince Harry more times than you can count, always dressed as a man. Next match, you plan to unveil your true identity with these floral pants. If Harry doesn’t get the hint, you’ll resort to more drastic measures.

Dodgeball

You keep an extra ball in your pack at all times so that you can directly target anyone who directly targets you. Yes, you’ve been kicked out of the league more times than you can remember.

Archery

At parties, you tell people that Cupid is overrated. His gear was so medieval.

Football

The trick is to wear a completely different color from the rest of your team so that nobody knows exactly what your role is until it’s too late.

Jousting

If someone dares to question your lady’s honor, you hand them a lance and mutter, “Outside.” They’re usually surprised to find a horse waiting. That’s usually when you skewer them.

Karate

Openly flaunting your black belt is for newbie black belts.

Extreme Sailing

Your boat isn’t the only thing with sails, and your sails certainly aren’t the only thing that keeps your boat flying across the dangerous open waters ahead of everyone else’s.

Spelunking

Some people find the idea of diving into dark caves terrifying. You openly mock those people at parties.

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