Some Tea Parties Have Crumpets, Others Have Ted Cruz. But What Do They Have in Common?

There are two types of tea party. One fulfills your childhood fantasies with tea, crumpets, and tiny sandwiches. If you get an invitation to a tea party, you may get the chance to dress up and pretend, for once, that you embody the pinnacle of societal refinement and superiority. But beware: If you attend a Tea Party rally — separated from the former by capital letters and small government advocates — you may find there are people chasing what they vehemently insist is a superior lifestyle, but there won't be any tea. Oh, and Ted Cruz might be there.

In fact, if you happen to find any food there at all, it will probably be American. Are crumpets American? NO. Are teeny tiny cucumber sandwiches American? HELL NO. In fact, what are you drinking tea for? Where was that imported from — Britain? Back here in the U. S. of A. there is only one way we drink our tea: Iced.

Despite protestations from the rallying side, a tea party and the Tea Party do share some similarities. Both require you to dress as if your grandmother does your shopping. And, much like a tea party, the Tea Party has managed to drag on well after it should've dissipated.

Anyone feel up to crumpets with Rand Paul? Nah, we didn't think so.

Image: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle