R. Kelly released the single "Genius" off of his upcoming album Black Panties, due to drop on November 11, and SURPRISE, it's about sex. Kelly returns to the subject he knows better than perhaps anyone else on this planet with a slow jam for when the party and the after-party die down, and you take it to your room and freak somebody.
At this point, it might be safe to say that we know a lot (and maybe too much) about what happens behind Kellz' bedroom door, though it's obvious he's not shy when it comes to talking about his talents. He croons/boasts on the track that "tonight you're laying with a sex genius," and he aims to please. Is this guy a generous lover, or what.
So in case you ever wondered what it'd be like to spend 24 hours with R. Kelly, here's how it'd go down based on some of his lyrical masterpieces:
The Scene: It's a Saturday night, 10 p.m., and you're headed out to the club ... and so is Kellz. You lock eyes from across the room, where he's obviously "sipping on coke and rum" and is like "so what I'm drunk", and you're dancing with your friends when he'll come up and whisper in your ear:
Are you from an island girl?
The way you wining it for me girl
Like (Whoa!) Your bumpin and grindin in the club
Like (Whoa!) I love to see you winin' in the club
Like (Whoa!) Oh I just wanna love you longtime
Like (Whoa!) My only mission's to make you mine
Like (Whoa!) Your the sexiest girl in this party
(Whoa!) I'm so glad that I came to this party
Lyrics via "Slow Wind (Remix)"
So you and your friends will probably leave with him and it'll go something like this:
Crystall poppin in the stretch Navigator
We got food every where
As if the party was catored
We got fellas to my left
Hunnies on my right
We bring em both together we got junkin all night
Lyrics via "Ignition (Remix)"
Eventually you'll get rid of your friends because whatever and head back out to the stretch Navi. You're both a little drunk and this will go down en route to Kellz' place while he sings "I'm about to take my key and stick in the ignition".
Girl we off in this jeep
Foggin windows up
Blastin the radio
In the back of my truck
Bouncin up and down
Stroke it round and round
Lyrics via "Ignition (Remix)"
He will reassure you to not feel a little slutty, which is really very considerate and nice of him:
I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind
See I know just what you want and I know just what you need girl
So baby bring your body to me (bring your body here)
I'm not fooling around with you baby
My love is true (with you) with you is where I want to be, girl see
you need someone someone like me to satisfy your every needs
Lyrics via "Bump N' Grind"
You'll probably spend the next few hours in "space":
We'll stick a flag on the Moon
First couple to ever make love on planet Neptune (uuhh)
And if time allow us
We'll be gone for hours
I won't stop until I give you meteor showers
So if you want it say Uhh
And if you need it say uhh
If you really gotta have it say uhh
And you want me to take you to space
Lyrics via "Sex Planet"
The night will end with Kellz falling in temporarily in love with you (he's obviously leaving when the weekend ends). You'll wake up and cook him breakfast because why not, I guess. You're a fan, you know he'll like it.
Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thang
Sex in the kitchen over by the stove
Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls
Hands on the table, on your tippy toes
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed
(Lyrics via "Sex In The Kitchen")
The remainder of your 24 hours with R. Kelly will probably be spent in his rented apartment with glass walls and beautiful views of the city. He might try to convince you to wait for him to come back:
Ain't nobody on god's green earth for me, heaven stirred us up together
And made the perfect chemistry, wouldn't change you for the world as long as I exist.
Always in the kitchen cooking my favorite meal.
Lyrics via "Chocolate Factory"
See, you knew he'd love that you cooked him breakfast (he's a bit of an exaggerator). In your last few hours before he jets off to Atlanta, you'll live through the beautiful harmonies of "Genius" and revel in the fact that you spent 24 hours with Robert Sylvester Kelly while experiencing the "signs and miracles up in this room," before heading back to your normal, unsexy life.