Oh man, what a great episode of Serial! They really just keep the new info coming. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how these most recent developments mature over the coming episodes, which will continue next week, on Thursday, right on schedule, until the end of time. Can't wait!
Oh. This was the last episode. It's over. This hurts more than I thought it would.
You know what? Fuck Sarah Koenig. Seriously, she is the problem here. She knew when she got into this that there was no way this story would wrap up with any kind of satisfying resolution. News flash, Koenig: We're Americans who like our entertainment tied up with a nice bow. Ross and Rachel end up together, etc. This whole ambiguous, inconclusive, "what is truth?" bullshit is not what we are here for. She did this to us, and she knew what she was doing, and she didn't care because she's a hateful, selfish monster.
Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things. I'm upset. Here's what I propose: I will donate to NPR and use MailKimp every day and go to church and stop masturbating and help old ladies cross the street, and basically be an exemplary member of society if we can just have, like, 3 or 4 more episodes to follow the new motion to test old evidence for the DNA of Random New Murderer Guy. Deal?
The truth is, I'm not overreacting: This podcast really was the only good thing in my life. My job is dumb, my cat is ugly, no one wants to have sex with me, my friends are probably somewhere hanging out without me right now, and the only thing that's been getting me through the days is the anticipation of hearing the dulcet tones of Sarah Koenig as she laments the illogical cell phone records. It's all I had. And now it's over. It's gone. Everything I love ultimately leaves me. I'm going to die alone. I'm already dying alone. I'm dying. Right now. And I'm alone.
This is a lot to handle. I need a moment.
7. Cheese snack
This is a lot to handle. I need a cheese.
Look, it's over, and that's alright. Part of being an adult is being able to accept the fleeting, intangible nature of all parts of human existence. Nothing is permanent, nothing gold can stay, etc. This was always going to happen. It was never meant to last forever, and in some sad way, doesn't that make what we experienced during this time even more beautiful? It does. This was v special, you guys. And now it's over.
It's okay. This is going to be okay. We lived without Serial for our whole lives before a few months ago—we can do it again, right? It's not like this is the only podcast in the world. We'll find love again. WE WILL LOVE AGAIN.
Images: Showtime; Giphy(9)