This Egg Timer Provides a Hilarious Reality Check to Help You Plan Your (Presumably) Non-Virgin Births

Have you just experienced a breakup amidst the holidays? Are you jealous of others' annoyingly perfect holiday engagements being featured across social media? Are you (like me) celebrating what feels like a way-too-old winter birthday? Do nativity scenes including radiant young mothers and chubby babies have you a little misty-eyed? Well, this online egg timer might just be for you. It's the hilarious online reality check you didn't know you needed to help you figure out the best time to plan your (presumably) non-immaculate conception.

Designed by New York-based Pamela Liou, and brought to my attention by a tweet from The New Inquiry , this handy dandy egg timer can totally, scientifically estimate how quickly you need to pop out your babies before you have to start adopting cats and dying alone instead (OK, being a tad overdramatic but STILL). Just provide the date of your first period, your age now, and the age of your mother at menopause, and the egg timer will work its individualized magic (spoiler alert: "get crackin'!"). Though I can (strangely) remember the timing of my first period down to the day, I was very close to texting my mother out of the blue to ask about her menopause experiences before I figured out the joke.

Before you grow too worried or actually "get crackin'," don't forget that women's fears about fertility in their 30s are mostly social scare tactics and not especially well-supported by science. Although your odds of getting pregnant in any given month will decline gradually in your 30s, knowing your cycle and timing sex appropriately can basically compensate for the difference. Even more interestingly, it turns out that our great grandmothers had babies just as late as we're having them now. So even if you're in your mid-30s, you might not have to rely on immaculate conception yet. Mother Nature tends to find a way, no divine intervention required.

Image: Andriy Solovyov / Fotolia