Man's Plan to Ruin New Year's Eve Kisses For Partygoers Is Dastardly And Brilliant
Is there anything in the world more annoying on New Year's Eve than standing around awkwardly after the countdown, trying to find anywhere to look that isn't accidentally staring at the surrounding couples obnoxiously making out? For one man simply known to the internet as Dave, apparently not, because he came up with a clever plan to ruin couples' New Year kisses at his NYE party. Finally, after decades of being tormented by the rampant public displays of affection every January 1st, a single hero has risen from the masses to take a stand. How dare couples start off 2015 by being all cute and happy together?How did our hero propose to cut down on the PDA, you ask? With food, of course! Dave lured couples in with a sign reading, "Dave's Happy Couples New Year's Eve Pre-Kiss Snacks!" Underneath, he had snacks specifically for them, with an array of Funyuns, Oreos, garlic hummus, and a variety of other pungent foods. It's pure brilliance. Sure, people might avoid it at first, but you can't tell me that as the drinks started flowing, someone didn't break down and sneak a few garlic crackers. And we all know, once you start tipsily snacking, it's hard to stop.
You're a smart man, Dave. There's no word on whether it worked, but my cynical, heartless, perpetually single self is having fun imagining the faces of at least one couple getting an unexpectedly onion-y kiss. What? How else are you supposed to amuse yourself when you're too hungover to get out of bed after New Year's Eve?