Bradley Cooper Denies Taylor Swift Dating Rumors, But If They Did Pair Up, What Songs Would She Write About Him?

Does anyone remember that kinda-sorta Bradley Cooper/Taylor Swift dating rumor that was floating around for a moment? Well, Bradley Cooper shot down the Taylor Swift dating rumors from forever ago in an interview with Howard Stern on Jan. 6. Take that, people of the Internet who are definitely still talking about this!

Last year, there was apparently some gossip that Swift's people supposedly contacted Cooper's, because she reportedly thought he was adorable. As the old wive's tale goes, Cooper allegedly turned Swift down because she was too young (although current girlfriend Suki Waterhouse, 23, is two years Swift's junior and somehow not too young for him. PLOT HOLES!!). But in an interview on Tuesday, Stern brought the story up and asked Cooper what the deal was with that hypothetical scenario. Appalled, Cooper compared the news to equine feces, then, sounding half-indignant, half-jokey-disappointed, said "I never got a call!" Hear that? His name never got written into that blank space!! What a swift kick in the pants!!!!

Howard continues to riff on the Swift scenario, telling Cooper that he thinks the "Welcome to New York" singer would be a fantastic companion for him. Why? Because of good genes! Stern tells Cooper that he "can tell physically that [they] would make beautiful children together." Because relationships, after all, are CLEARLY all about perpetuating the bloodline. (Just kidding, guys. They're totally not.)

Now that we know that this relationship definitely didn't happen, let's allow our imaginations to run wild and dream up the songs that would've come out of this relationship if it did. I've already got a few ideas, just off the top of my head.

"My Heart Flew Over the Cooper's Nest"

"May/December Romance"

"Go Ahead, Swipe Left (I Don't Care)"

"Can You Find the Silver Lining?"

"Your Loss"

Image: Getty Images (2); Giphy (5)