The ladies of Thursday night are back, thank the television lords and ladies. Indeed, three of TV's currently most-watched shows — Parks and Recreation, Glee, and Grey's Anatomy — are returning at long last to our small screens following a particularly hard-to-bear couple of months away. With two of the shows airing at the same time (and we're pretending to live in a world without DVR because it's more fun that way), and all three with hour-long premiere episodes, it may be hard to decide which one to tune into.
So! Internet writer to the rescue, you guys, because I've devised a 100 percent, totally foolproof test to ensure you tune into the right televised series for you — as if their wide array of differences, formats, styles, and actors were not enough for you to make the decision for yourself!
1.) There's a free waffle sitting on the counter. You look up at the clock and notice there are only 3 minutes before your favorite TV show starts. What do you do?a.) Throw that carbohydrate-ridden monstrosity in the garbage with ferocity. Someone is trying to sabotage your ability to fit into your performance dress!b.) Stuff the waffle down your gullet with seconds to spare, spend the rest of the night fighting off indigestion and pretending a little bit of gas doesn't come out when you laugh.c.) Make sure the waffle doesn't belong to anyone, take a few quick bites before heading over to the couch.
2.) You're sad because the storyline you were most excited for was not fully expanded upon in the premiere. Do you...a.) Let your overwhelming sadness fill your vocal chords with the art of song, to sing your pain away?b.) Mope about it. Maybe narrate the problem within your own mind until you've come to peace with it.c.) Come up with a 17-step plan, complete with graphics and a handy color-coded binder, to send to the writers to rectify the problem.
3.) OMG, a puppy!a.) OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS LITTLE PUPPY SO MUCH I WANT TO SING IT A SAD BEATLES' SONG AND NAME IT JUDE!b.) Hug and cuddle the puppy while you call your friend who loves animals to assist. Have a really, really, really hard time letting it go.c.) A puppy? Oh no. The kids are going to want this puppy, but I can't deal with a puppy! But also look how cute this puppy...
4.) Your best friend wants to go out tonight. But it's TV night! you protest. What is their response?a.) "There are no less than 3 impeccably-placed vintage pins on this ensemble and there's no way I'm letting them fester indoors rather than recognized out in the world for their true couture genius. Plus it's Minnelli Night at Duplex."b.) "Oh my god is Real Housewives of New Jersey on? Pretend I didn't say that. Pass the snacks?""c.) "I did 15 complicated surgeries this week and that warrants me a night of poor life decisions in a skanky bar so C'MON."
5.) It's over! The premiere is over. Oh my god I feel so...a.) Sonically satisfied but emotionally manipulated.b.) Giggly and excited and full of new favorite catchphrases.c.) Broodingly contemplative but emotionally manipulated.
So! Easy peasy lemon-squeezy, right? Now it's time for the results! If you answered:
Mostly A... you should definitely tune into Glee tonight. You're such a Rachel Berry, like totally OMG.
Mostly B... you should 100 percent tune into Parks and Recreation. Jolly good show you Leslie Knope, you!
Mostly C... you already know you're going to watch Grey's Anatomy so stop pretending like you're not, Meredith Grey!
Or you could also just watch them all because the Internet and DVR exist so everyone can watch anything they want legally hooray!