Transcript Of Kanye West's Oxford Speech Teaches Us That Nothing Is Real & Humans Have A Lot To Learn From Crabs

Looking for a little bit of light reading? If you define light reading as stream-of-consciousness treatises on society, life, time, and creativity delivered by Kanye West, then you're in luck! You can now read the transcript of Kanye West's Oxford College speech from Tuesday, March 3 on the Internet, and it's totally confounding.

In what seemed to be a largely improvised 20-minute address, West transitioned from celebrity friend anecdotes ("[Obama] calls the home phone"), to meditating on creativity and class stratification, to wondering aloud what month it was ("Is it still February?"). When he hits his stride, he makes some interesting points about inequality and societal hegemony ("We have the resources as a civilization to find a utopia, but we’re led by the most greedy and the least noble."), but he praises society's greedy leaders in the next breath. While a full official transcript has yet to be released from Yeezy's Tuesday talk at the Oxford Museum of Natural History, you can read what Oxford's college blog The Tab calls "more of less exactly what Kanye West said" by clicking here.

In some places, it reads like Jaden Smith's Twitter feed. In others, it sounds like one of the looping arguments of Adnan Syed's former lawyer Cristina Guttierez. If he wants you to walk away with one idea, it's probably this: we're all stuck in the Matrix.

Confusing doesn't even begin to cover what this speech was. Mind-melting feels more appropriate. For your reading pleasure, here are seven of the most ridiculous things that Kanye said in his Oxford speech.

"What I said was The Matrix is like the Bible of the post-information age..."

"With that, I have a responsibility to serve. Why do I say The Matrix is like the Bible? What is my definition of the Matrix? [he reportedly never answered this]."

"We have the ability to approach our race like ants, or we have the ability to approach our race like crabs."

"By the way, I don’t know the days of the week. I just go to exactly when my appointment is."

"Time is the only luxury. It’s the only thing you can’t get back. If you lose your luggage — I’m not gonna say the obvious brand of luggage that I’d normally say because I’ve got a meeting with them soon — if you lose your expensive luggage at the airport, you can get that back. You can’t get the time back."

"Let’s have an NBC telethon moment, and say that beauty has been stolen from the people and is being sold back to them under the concept of luxury!"

"They need to do award shows for the Nobel Peace Prize, but I guess that doesn’t sell as many MasterCard commercials. "

To read the entire text in its full-on weird majesty, click here.

Image: Giphy