Lady Gaga's Bathroom Selfie Left Me With These 6 Important Questions — PHOTO
What the what? Lady Gaga just posted a bathroom selfie on Instagram and I have approximately 837 questions about it. (Don’t worry, I’ve managed to whittle that number down considerably.) Let’s get started, shall we? *Clears throat* Ahem. WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A SELFIE WITH A TOILET IN THE BACKGROUND? Did I miss something? Has this become common practice? Is the whole world taking selfies with their toilets except me??
Believe me: I'm not trying to selfie shame anybody here. People should feel free to strike a pose whenever and wherever the mood strikes them… but toilets are where you POOP! I just can't seem to get over that. What can I say? I was born this way. Come to think of it, I’m probably kind of envious of Gaga’s laid-back attitude about the whole situation. She’s like, “Yeah, I just stunk up the joint. Wanna make something of it?” What a role model. Perhaps one day, we’ll all be so bold.
That's just the tip of the iceberg, though. There are a bunch of other weird things about this photo that I need to get to the bottom of ASAP. I mean, just look at it:
Here are six important questions Lady Gaga's bathroom selfie left me with:
What The Hell Is On Her T-Shirt?
A rock and roll zombie? A goblin? A rock and roll zombie goblin? I have no idea, but it's freaking me the f@#$ out right now. It looks like it could come to life at any second, reach through the screen, and drag my ass to the underworld.
Why Is She Wearing Sunglasses?
Maybe she's just trying to dodge the bathroom paparazzi?
No, Seriously, What Is That Monster On Her T-Shirt?
It's staring RIGHT AT ME.
What Are "Fairy Cards"?
What are the "fairy cards" she references in the caption? Are they like Pokémon cards? Do you look at them while you're on the toilet to pass the time? Where can I buy a pack? Asking for a friend.
Did She Forget To Put The Seat Down?
Was she raised in a barn? The investigation, tonight at 10.
What Is This Creepy Black & White Photo Hanging Above The Stall??
Is that... the Sanderson sisters?! OK, this selfie is officially dark-sided. Let me delete my history, clear my cookies, and hang a couple of cloves of garlic around my neck posthaste. You never can be too careful when creepy old photos of white people are involved.