How Would 'Friends' Celebrate The Kentucky Derby?

The hats, the fashion, the alcohol, the parties, the horses: All of these things can only mean one thing: The Kentucky Derby is upon us! This year's horse racing championship goes from Friday, May 1, to Saturday, May 2, meaning we all have two whole days to drink as many different kinds of mint juleps as we please, attend as many Derby-related parties possible, and figure out if those Derby horse names are for real. So exciting! If you need a little help getting in that Derby spirit, however, fear not — that's what I'm here for. And, as an entertainment-obsessed individual, I know there's no better way to get in the spirit for anything than to relate it to beloved television shows: So, join me in taking a little stroll down the imagination highway, and dreaming up how many classic television characters would celebrate the Kentucky Derby — from the gang on Friends to the Pretty Little Liars.

Like I said: As a television and movie junkie, I'm basically obligated to turn every single possible competition event in the country into something relating back to the thing I love. And, in the case of the Derby, thankfully celebrities attend the event every year anyway — so it's not too difficult to imagine what our favorite television characters might do for the event. It could be anything — from not caring whatsoever about the Derby to having a full-blown, drama-filled party.

So here are just a few theories to get you excited for the festivities, and the race on May 2:

The One With The Derby (Friends)

Monica would probably find any excuse to have the gang so she could host a party and cook up some amazing, Derby-themed food — and she'd probably try out a ton of options to see which the gang liked best. After all, Christmas has the Christmas ham, Thanksgiving has turkey, so what will the Kentucky Derby have as its traditional meal? That's what Monica would want to find out. (Thank goodness she gave up on Mockolate, or the gang would never come over.) Chaos would probably ensue, and Joey would probably eat everything.

Ted, Robin, Marshall, Lily, and Barney (How I Met Your Mother)

There's no doubt in my mind that McLaren's Pub has Kentucky Derby whiskey and mint julep specials during the competition. Barney would probably get to the bar early in a jockey outfit, and pull some line on a woman about how she's so beautiful, he's missing the Derby for her. (He's not.) Ted would probably tell the rest of the gang the origin of the Derby, while Marshall would make up a song for the event that he'd end up singing so often that the group would have it stuck in their heads until next year's Derby.

Louis C.K. (Louie)

Louie's version of Louis C.K. would not be able to care less about the Derby — but, when he's heading home on the night of the race, some drunken college kids would undoubtedly bother him as they stumble out of a bar. That would be it.

Stars Hollow Citizens (Gilmore Girls)

Stars Hollow would without a doubt have an annual Derby-themed event in the town square, which would include the gazebo being transformed into a mini carousel with the horses modeled in the image of the horses in the race. Luke wouldn't be able to stand the visitors, as usual, and Sookie would cook up different Derby-themed snacks and drinks at the Inn... while Kirk tried his luck at being a horse whisperer (and fails miserably).

The Tanner/Katsopolis Family (Full House)

Michelle would be a jockey in the Derby. Duh.

The Liars (Pretty Little Liars)

The Liars would throw a major Derby extravaganza with the biggest, most elaborate hats you've ever seen. A would stir up some trouble, naturally.

The Lyon Family (Empire)

I'm pretty sure I can imagine this as an actual scene in the series. It would have to take place before Lucious went to prison, but stay with me here: Basically, Lucious goes to the Derby with his family, and throws a high-end party, proving that not only is he the King of the music industry, he's rich enough to have a box of Millionaire's Row.

The Upper East Siders (Gossip Girl)

Actually — I know I just said Pretty Little Liars would have the biggest Derby extravaganza, but I have to take back that statement now. Serena, Blair and the other Upper East Siders would have the biggest Derby party ever, with enough mint juleps and crazy hats to keep Gossip Girl (or Dan Humphrey, I guess... #neverforget) blogging for days. And, of course, the drama would be everywhere.

Images: Warner Bros.; Giphy (7); Warner Bros.