4 Lessons Learned From Getting Back Together With An Ex

By Tiffany McHugh

There are certain things that always seem like an awesome idea at the time, but leave you feeling like a total moron in retrospect. If you've ever worn pigtails past the age of seven, recorded yourself singing, or hoarded a beanie baby collection in hopes of becoming an eventual millionaire, then I'm sure that you feel me on this one.

Unfortunately, the same "What the hell was I thinking?" question tends to run through our minds when reflecting on an on-again-off-again relationship. Sure, are many pros to consider when contemplating sending that "Hi … I miss you" text message (the comfort of familiarity with the added bonus of having sex without raising your number, to name a few), but most of the time the odds of forming a more successful romance the second (…or third) time around aren't so great.

Here, we polled men and women on what they learned from revisiting a ghost from boyfriends and girlfriends past.

1. "People are who they are and can only change when and how they want to." - Kelly Kelly was involved in an on-again-off-again relationship for over two years, which she now describes as the most tumultuous time of her life. "I guess you could say that this was my first 'real' relationship, so I learned a lot from it, and in hindsight wouldn't take it back," she said. "He was away at school, which obviously complicated things from the start, but he didn't hook up with other people, or even speak to girls as far as I knew — he was way too awkward for that." Despite his loyalty, Kelly wasn't too convinced of his commitment to the relationship. "Even when he was home, I was never a priority, he always put me on the backburner," she said. "Well, that got old really fast, and definitely turned me into one spiteful, vengeful chick — hence the beginning of our breakup-make-up cycle."

When she finally broke away from the resentment that she and her ex circled back to over and over again, she realized that she was never going to get what she wanted from him. "I didn't think I could find someone else, and I didn't want to go be vulnerable and have to open myself up to another person again," she said. "But I realized that the things I want in a relationship aren't crazy — or out of the question. He had so many emotional detachment issues that I so desperately wanted to fix, because I thought he would be the person that I wanted him to be …boy was I wrong," she said. "Now, I'm in an incredibly healthy relationship that is night and day from the on-again-off-again bullsh*t I was doing before, but I had to learn what I want from a partner, instead of trying to change him."

2. "No, we are never, ever getting back together, and your penis is still small." - Katie When Katie severed ties with the guy she lost her virginity to, she decided to take full-advantage of her newly single status by gaining some valuable experience between the sheets. "I realized, during my sexcapades, that my ex-boyfriend actually had a really small penis ... compared to all of my new victims." This past January, Katie and "The-Ex," as she now refers to him, began casually seeing each other again, more out of boredom than anything else. "I was just so curious to see what the sex would be like five years later," she said. Her valuable lesson from revisiting the bed she lost her virginity in? "His penis was still tiny, and jack rabbit sex still isn't cool."

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