11 Sex Positions To Try On Black Friday Instead Of Shopping
When it comes to shopping, there's no day quite like Black Friday. Since the 1950s, the day after Thanksgiving has marked the beginning of the holiday shopping season, making it the most important day for not just consumers, but retailers alike, with sales, sales, sales, everywhere. Black Friday shopping is actually so much of a big deal and such a major part of the American culture that over 20 states in the U.S. regard it as a public holiday, meaning government employees have the day off to, well, shop and get paid for it.
While there's no denying that when it comes to scoring bargains, Black Friday is the day, when you think about it, is that really how you want to spend the day after Thanksgiving? Wouldn't you rather be in bed, resting up from all that turkey-induced tryptophan, watching some movie marathon (there's always a movie marathon or 20 to choose from the day after Thanksgiving), or maybe even having sex? Like, lots of sex? I would like to think yes.
So, instead of fighting the crowds on your day off, consider doing yourself a favor and staying home enjoying these fantastic 11 sex positions instead. Besides, you always have Cyber Monday — which is an even better day to shop, because it's all online and you can do it during work... not that you would, of course.
How to do it: With both you and your partner facing the same direction, bend over, reaching as far as you can toward the floor (without losing your balance), while having your partner penetrate you from behind. If they grab your hips and/or you put your hands on your knees, you can steady yourself from falling.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday involves a lot of standing in lines to get into stores, standing around thinking about what you want to buy, then standing in more lines to check out. If you want to stand on Black Friday, you might as well have sex while doing so.
2. X Marks The Spot
How to do it: While lying flat on your back on an equally flat surface, lift your legs, cross them at the knees, then have your partner penetrate you from a standing position. They can use your legs as leverage to pull themselves in deeper, or control the speed at which they enter you.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: As any seasoned Black Friday shopper will tell you, you need a game plan. It's in that game plan, which is likely the map of a store, where an X is placed to mark the money spot of where the item is that they want to buy. So, by indulging in this particular position, you're sort of fulfilling your "X marks the spot" for the day, but in a different (and more exciting) way.
3. Side Straddle
How to do it: Have your partner lay down flat, then bend one leg. Next, while facing away from them, straddle the bent leg, while lowering yourself onto them. Next, you want to stimulate your clitoris against their thigh.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: The side straddle is one of the best sex positions for the female orgasm, which means you're definitely scoring here. Since Black Friday is also about scoring, you're definitely keeping up with the Black Friday theme of the day.
4. Seated Oral
How to do it: Simply, as one partner sits, the other partner proceeds to give them oral sex.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: When it comes to getting what you want on Black Friday, sometimes you really need to get in there and dig around until you find it — kinda like performing seated oral.
5. Doggy With Vibrator
How to do it: Get yourself into traditional doggy style — one of the most favorite sex positions that I don't think needs much of an explanation — then add a sex toy, notably a vibrator, to the mix, so as to stimulate the clitoris while your partner penetrates you from behind.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday shouldn't be just about buying for other people; it should be about buying, or rather, treating yourself, too. What better way to treat yourself than in doggy style with a vibrator stimulating your clitoris? There really is no better way — unless, of course, you add pizza to it, but that's an explosion of all the senses at once, so it might be risky.
How to do it: With your partner seated and their legs crossed, while facing them, lower yourself into their lap and onto them, then wrap your arms and legs around them. From here, the movement is more about rocking, than in-out in-out.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: In addition to crazy lines with which one needs to contend on Black Friday, there's also crowds. So. Many. Crowds. Personally, if I'm going to be rubbed up against by someone on Black Friday, I don't want it to be stranger in a crowd who's trying to get whatever it is I've been eyeing in the Apple store; I want it to be my partner, and I want it to be during sex. Physically, two people can't get much closer than lotus.
8. Side 69
How to do it: While facing each other, but with your bodies going in opposite directions — head to feet — pull yourselves in close to each other, then proceed to stimulate each other orally at the same time.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday is sort of an awkward adventure. The 69 position, whether you do it traditionally or on your side, is also an awkward adventure. But, unlike Black Friday, at least 69 offers the chance at an orgasm.
9. Crab Walk
How to do it: The easiest way to get into the crab walk sex position is for both you and your partner to start seated, facing each other, then crab walk toward each other. Then, you want to lift your hips, keeping your legs on the outside of your partner, then lower yourself onto them. Lastly, you want to gyrate once you're in place, as in-out penetration isn't exactly easy in this position.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: The crab walk is a difficult sex position that's worth the effort, as long as you don't take it too seriously. The same can be said for Black Friday, so it really makes sense that this position be on the list for Black Friday.
10. The Ankle Choker
How to do it: Starting in lying down position, have your partner, who's on their knees in front of you, pick up your hips and lower you onto them. You can use both your arms and upper back to support your body, as well as applying pressure from your ankles on your partner's shoulders to hold yourself in place. While it looks like your partner is in control, since you're the one with their neck between your ankles, it's actually you who's in charge in this sex position.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Honestly, if you had gone to the stores, your tolerance for humanity would probably be gone by noon, meaning you'd probably want to put a chokehold on someone. This, however, is a far better option, when it comes to choking — it's also not going to make the nightly news.
How to do it: While facing the same direction and lying side by side, in the spooning cuddle position, have your partner penetrate you from behind.
Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: When it comes to sex positions for when you're lazy or tired, nothing hits the spot quite like spooning. With all the chaos that Black Friday could have inflicted on you, isn't this a far better option? I would think so. I mean, just looking at the image is really relaxing.
With 11 sex positions to choose from on Black Friday, I have a very strong inclination that many of you will be staying home to check these bad boys off the list. Like I said, there's always Cyber Monday.