If you've ever wondered what to say after sex, you're about to get a lesson in what not to say afterwards. Because the internet is an endless treasure fountain of weird and wacky things — and it just wants to give you entertainment and pleasure. So the latest hashtag going wild on Twitter is #ThingsISayAfterSex and, as you can imagine, it contains the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Now, a lot of these are joking, but I've done some pretty embarrassing ones in real life. As in, as long as you've never yelled "YOLO!" and given yourself a high-five above a man having sex with you as he finishes, you're playing it a lot cooler than I have. So don't feel embarrassed if you've ever been less than smooth in the post-coital chat domain. Because it can be awkward feeling, especially if it's with someone you don't know that well— or if the sex was not exactly spectacular.
But for now, you can live vicariously. Instead of focusing on your own awkward experiences (I certainly have those) you can enjoy the weirdness of others. The hashtag is still trending, but here are my favorite ones so far — because Harry Potter and sex should be together forever:
1Not Creepy At All
We've all been there.
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell #ThingsISayAfterSex— Dannii Lee (@SourCinnamonBun) February 21, 2017
I will take this to my grave.
5Creeper For Life
#ThingsISayAfterSex damn I'm glad they're done, it was gettin' kinda close here under their bed— george duff (@georgeduff2) February 21, 2017
We can't always be in on the action.
#ThingsIsayAfterSex okay but Hillary won the popular vote— its me (@dizzielizzie7) February 21, 2017
I'm not ready to let go.
Handshakes are always a bold choice.
Teamwork is important.
9A Race To The Finish
Speed... it happens.
10Let's Get Deep
#ThingsISayAfterSex "The consumation of vain pleasure only made the understanding of my own suffering more clear to me."— joāo biscaia. (@ttrincea) June 21, 2016
12You Can't Help It
#ThingsISayAfterSex “@brittney3898: My goal wasn't to disappoint you, it just sort of happened”— chan (@chandler_nope) October 23, 2013
It does just sort of happen.
#ThingsISayAfterSex David Robert Jones, known professionally as David Bowie, was an English singer, songwriter and actor— mariposa de mullet (@freekystardust) February 21, 2017