6 Oddly Specific Feelings You'll Only Understand If You've Braved The Carnage Of Trader Joe's On A Weekend

Share
Ad failed to load

There are two kinds of people on this earth: people who shop at Trader Joe's, and people who shop during the weekend at Trader Joe's. If you belong to the latter group, you're part of a special breed of human who can tolerate insane crowds, slow-moving lines, and punching your way through the skincare section to hopefully grab the last bottle of tea tree oil face wash. We're not all cut out for this. Oh, no. If you shop at Joe's on the weekend, you're part of an exclusive, secret club; and there are things only people like you can truly understand.

To be clear, Joe's is never not busy. That's what you get when you have a store with unbeatable prices, tons of all-natural and organic products, and amazing (read: the best) seasonal products throughout the year. Nowhere else can you find delicious mandarin orange chicken (that's already been cooked and frozen — thanks, Joe!), pizza with gluten-free cauliflower crust, and soft pretzel sticks that are so effing amazing, you can make a meal out of them. Not that you should.

But I have.

Ad failed to load

Be aware, though, that if you visit Trader Joe's over the weekend, you'll be rolling with a different crowd — one that'll gladly run over your toes with their shopping cart if it means they get the last bag of pumpkin spice caramel corn on the shelf.

You've been warned.

Giphy
Ad failed to load

Here are a few things only weekend shoppers will understand.

Ad failed to load

1The Sweet Smell Of Victory When You Find A Good Parking Spot

Giphy

We all have our flaws, and Trader Joe's is no exception. What they make up for in cheap, organic produce, they lack in available and easily accessible parking. Every weekend at TJ's is like Black Friday at the mall. Prepare to spend time looking for a spot, and be willing to steal one from the mom in the minivan with 12 kids. But when you do find that spot — that beautiful, perfect, dreamy parking spot — all the stars align and everything is right in the universe.

2Fighting For The Last Jar Of Cookie Butter

Giphy

There's one jar left. You reach for it just as some sweet old grandmother does as well. You look at her. She looks at you. There's no way you're walking out of here without a jar of Speculoos Cookie Butter — not after what you went through trying to get a parking spot. Grandma gives you some lame excuse about how she was going to give the cookie butter to her husband or sick grandchild or something stupid like that. You know better. You snatch it and run, and hope she can't keep up.

3Missing Out On Free Samples

Giphy

OK. Yes. True. Trader Joe's will let you sample just about anything in the store. But near the egg cooler, they were handing out tiny cups of freshly made soup, and you had your eye on that last cup. Then, some other hungry person snatched it up and basically ruined your entire day. This is what happens when you shop at Trader Joe's on the weekends. Go there on a Tuesday morning and you can have 20 cups of soup. Next time, you'll know better.

Ad failed to load

4The Emotional Trauma Of Long, Winding Lines

Giphy

When I say "long," I mean "long AF OMG I'm going to die waiting in this line and never get to eat the jar of cookie butter that I stole from that fossil of a woman." It's not Joe's fault — they can't help it that they're so popular. But just know that if you're shopping at Trader Joe's on a weekend, you should be prepared to wait. Get comfortable. Start a new game of Candy Crush. Write to your pen pal. Prepare your taxes... for 2020.

5All The Amazing Treats Near The Register

Giphy

There is one reward for waiting in that long line, though: as you near the front, Joe throws you a bone and delivers delicious dark chocolate peanut butter cups, chocolate covered almonds, and other things you definitely shouldn't be eating, but who cares? If it came from Trader Joe's, that means it's healthy and you can eat as much as you want. #FightMe

6Being Rewarded For Bringing Your Own Bag

Giphy

When it's almost over, TJ's gives you one last present. They'll enter you into a drawing for a gift card if you bring your own bag and help save the environment. On the weekend, this feels extra special. This is like that first sip of water after walking five miles in the sun to the nearest mechanic after your car breaks down on the expressway. Saving the environment while possibly winning some cash to buy more plantain chips and affordably priced fancy cheese from TJ's? We call that a win.

So, there are at least a couple silver linings to fighting the masses and shoving your way through the produce sections when you shop at Joe's on a Saturday or Sunday.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

7 Signs Your Partner Is "The One," Even If They Have Commitment Issues

There's nothing better than finding that one person you could actually see yourself spending the rest of your life with. However, realizing that your partner has commitment issues can put a damper on things. It may even have you questioning whether o…
By Kristine Fellizar

Bustle's Editors On Florida + Fergie

Welcome to a new week, Bustle readers! February is already more than halfway through, and the weather feels way more like spring than winter right now — but don't get used to it. There's a lot to recap today, from the latest on the tragic Parkland sh…
By Rachel Simon

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

19 Things Your Parents Told You Were Illegal In The '90s

Kids say — and think — the darnedest things. We have overactive imaginations, adults like to mess with us, and we don't always understand everything we hear. That's why some kids call strawberries "straw babies" — a boo-boo so adorable, you don't eve…
By Megan Grant

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

I Never Want To Write This Essay Again

I don't know where you were when you heard about Wednesday's high school shooting in Parkland, Florida. I don't know what you were doing, or how you tried to process the news. I do know this: you thought to yourself, not again. And yet, again. Of cou…
By Jenny Hollander

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Kate Middleton Made Sales Of This $1 Secret Accessory Spike & She'll Turn You Into A Believer

There's a royal epidemic going on, people. It's one that causes any and everyone to obsess over the royal family's wardrobe and beauty routines, even if it means breaking the bank to look like them. So a frenzy was expected when Kate Middleton report…
By Summer Arlexis

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper