How Do You Get Over A Breakup? 11 Life Upgrades To Make When You're Moving On

Ad failed to load

Breakups are hands down the worst. On an emotional level, when you’re heartbroken, you feel like you’re never going to be happy again. On a practical level, you might lose friends, furniture, or even your apartment. The turmoil after a breakup feels like being tossed around in a tiny boat in a sea of emotions, heartbreak, and annoying logistical problems.

While a broken heart often feels like it will last forever, I’m here from the future to tell you that it won’t. And one way that you can help speed up the heart-healing process is by making some life upgrades that will not only help you feel better but will also give you something other than feeling miserable to focus on — like yourself.

“It's really important that after a breakup you become your own best friend,” Antonia Hall, MA, psychologist, relationship expert and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, tells Bustle. “We're all doing the best we can in life, and it's imperative that you advocate for your own best interest, which begins with the messages you're telling yourself. Know that you deserve the best, and that begins with treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated.“

Ad failed to load

This list of 11 life upgrades to make when you’re getting over a breakup is by no means exhaustive, but really just a jumping off point. Read it, think about it, try a couple, and then gift yourself the time and attention of thinking about what would work best for you.

Ad failed to load

1Get A Haircut

Giphy

Sure it's a cliché, but the breakup haircut is a very real thing. Nothing says “I’m over it!” like a fresh ‘do, whether it’s lopping of a few inches or going for a new color. It’s also a relatively quick, relatively cheap, potentially drastic way to take control and make a major change during a time when it can feel like everything is out of your control.

2Try Out A New Exercise Routine

Giphy

Now before you even go there, I’m not talking about a “revenge body,” whatever that even means. I’m talking about exercise’s ability to boost endorphins and make us feel good. Always been curious about yoga? Ready to finally try SoulCycle, after years of your best friend raving about it? Think you should probably know WTF pilates actually is? Now’s the time.

3Take A Class (Or Five)

Giphy

After a breakup is a great time to learn a new skill, so do a little searching around on Google or Facebook (or go old school and just like, ask people you know) and see what classes are offered in your area. Learn how to do dope shibori dying. Take up Thai cooking. Start finally speaking Spanish properly. You get the idea.

Even better? Find a recurring class, so you have somewhere to be every week. Then you’re doing yourself the double good of not only learning a new skill but also forging new social bonds.

Ad failed to load

4Set A Personal Challenge

Giphy

This one is hella vague on purpose and, honestly, can include pretty much anything else on this list, but I wanted to highlight it on its own. Setting a personal goal is a great way to keep you focused on something other than your heartbreak. Think about an area in your life that you’d like to improve and set yourself a goal. But remember: Start small. Trying to do ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME is a great way to burnout and fail to do any of the things. Incremental growth leads to long-term change.

5Commit To Talking To Old Friends Once A Week

Giphy

A lot of people find that when they’re in a romantic relationship, they neglect their other relationships. Platonic friends tend to fall by the wayside when you’re deep in love with someone new and it can be hard to get back in the rhythm with them even after you’ve gotten into a rhythm with your significant other. So one great way to upgrade your life after a breakup is to reach out to those old friends — and keep reaching out. Schedule calls. Have friend dates. They’ll be glad to hear from you.

6Buy A New Mattress

Giphy

Or a new bed set, if the price of a new mattress is out of reach for you. Point being: Treat yourself to something new for your bedroom. Chances are you have a lot of memories associated with your current bedding (or your ex got it all in the split), so a breakup is a great time to upgrade your bedroom game.

Ad failed to load

7Throw A Dinner Party

Giphy

Or a series of dinner parties. The goal of this upgrade is fill your home with love, laughter, and awesome people during a time when you probably need a little extra of all of the above. If you’re going for a series, consider a theme like “famous artists” or “around the world in five meals” or even “emojis.” Because, why not? The point is to eat good food and have fun.

8Have A Sexual Adventure

Giphy

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage is fond of saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. You may or may not find that to be the case, but remember: A sexual adventure doesn’t have to involve anyone else if you don’t want to. Treat yourself to a really nice sex toy. Explore a new type of porn. Or, if you are into the “get under someone else” model, make sure you do so safely. Reconnecting with your sexuality is a great way to move forward and learn something new about yourself post-breakup.

9Foster Or Adopt An Animal

Giphy

I’m not suggesting going out and adopting the first pup you see, of course. If you’re going to adopt an animal, please remember that it’s a commitment for that animal’s entire life. But getting a furry friend is an awesome way to give and receive love after a breakup. And fostering is an awesome way to do it without that long-term commitment I was talking about.

Ad failed to load

10Volunteer

Giphy

Giving back by volunteering your time or services not only helps your community, it also makes you feel good and is a great way to meet new people and forge awesome social connections. And on those days when all you want to do is lie on the couch and feel sorry for yourself, being beholden to other people can be a great motivator to get up and get going.

11Make A New Budget

Giphy

Finally, a breakup is a great opportunity to take control of your finances. Whether you shared finances with your ex or you just have some goals you’ve been putting off, sit down, take a look at your income and the amount going out, and come up with some new financial goals. Maybe you want to save for a new bed. Or a trip. Or whatever. Point is, it’s all you now, boo.

Breakups are hard. Breakups hurt. Breakups have to be taken one day at a time. (Dammit, there I go with the clichés again!) But breakups are also an amazing opportunity to make some life changes that aren’t about your ex. So, go. Do it. This time is for you.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

The 5 Rom-Coms You Need To Read This Summer, According To Someone Who Writes Them

'Tis the season for rom-coms. The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and everyone is rocking the flirtiest items in their wardrobe. I don't know about you, but summer always takes me back to my teenage years — and that automatically makes me want t…
By Cristina Arreola

11 Tiny Sunglasses That Will Make You Look Even Cooler Than Kylie Jenner

You know what they say — the tinier the sunglasses, the more stylish the outfit. OK, that's not really a saying, but it seems to be the case these days. Basically every celebrity, model, and It person has been spotted sporting tiny sunglasses as part…
By Sara Tan

9 Ways This Royal Wedding Was Way More Modern Than Past Ones

The newly named Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, made history with their storybook courtship and wedding. What's more, there are myriad ways the royal wedding 2018 was more modern than previous royal weddings. From deciding…
By Brandi Neal

10 Little-Known British Traditions Meghan Markle Will Learn When She Marries Prince Harry

As an American woman dating a Brit, I am no stranger to the mishaps that can result from the cultural differences between the U.S. and England. And while I'm sure Meghan Markle has a slew of royal traditions to learn, titles to remember, and fancy ha…
By Kristin Magaldi

I've Paid $18,000 To A $24,000 Student Loan, & I Still Owe $24,000

It all became real the summer before my senior year of college. It was 2010, and my home phone still had a cord, which I wrapped around my fingers as I waited not-so-patiently for the apathetic representative on the other end to tell me the bad news …
By Kaitlyn Cawley

12 Personality Quizzes That Will Help You Determine Your Exact Strengths

Learning more about yourself can be tough. It's so easy to observe others to learn what makes them tick, what areas they really excel in, and the things they could be better at. Doing that to yourself, however, is a whole different story. That's exac…
By Jessica Booth

5 Brand New Short Story Collections You Can Finish In One Sitting This Weekend

Since 2013, May has been known by book-lovers by another name: Short Story Month. If you're ready to kick off this year's celebration the right way, make sure to pick up a short story collection to read over the weekend. Modern life moves more than …
By Sadie Trombetta

I Got Styled By 'Queer Eye's Tan France & Realized I Still Have A Lot Of Fashion "Rules" To Unlearn

When I walked into a New York City Express store on May 2 to get styled by Queer Eye's Tan France, I was ready for anything. And I mean truly anything. I am such a massive fan of the show and Tan that if he had instructed me to wrap myself in tin foi…
By Olivia Muenter

It Isn’t Bad To Have A “Princess Fantasy” — Mine Made Me The Woman I Am Today

What do you want to be when you grow up? If you were anything like me as a kid, at some point, the answer to that question was "a princess." Thanks to good old-fashioned gender stereotypes, most little girls born in the '90s (and even now) grew up in…
By Nicole Pomarico

9 Mother's Day Gifts For Your Mom That Also Give Back

Mother’s Day is around the corner, and unless you’re the type who’s got gift-giving on lock months in advance — and seriously, who is that person? — you might be scrambling a bit for great Mother's day 2018 gift ideas. And while it’s important to cho…
By Carolyn de Lorenzo

Here’s How To Get A FREE 30-Minute Facial At Sephora That Sucks Your Pores Clean

Sephora has long been a mecca for both serious and amateur beauty lovers alike, where they not only have makeup artists that help answer questions about products, but free samples to let you play with new collections. But now they have upped the ante…
By Marlen Komar

Kris Jenner Is FINALLY Launching A Makeup Line With Kylie

Maybe you don't have a favorite sister of the Kar-Jenner clan, and that's perfectly fine. The one thing you can't deny, though, is that when it comes power, no one in that family has more than the world famous momager. Now, Kris Jenner x Kylie Cosmet…
By Shea Simmons

This Kendall Jenner “Diva” Moment Is Really Being Taken Out Of Context

The fashion always takes center stage at the Met Gala, but there's usually a little drama, too. And this time, a member of the Kardashian-Jenner family is involved. People are buzzing about how Kendall Jenner shoved someone at the Met Gala, but after…
By Nicole Pomarico

Feel Like You've Seen Everything On Netflix? Add These Movies To Your Watch List

The weekend may feel too far away, but if you're lacking formal plans, a Netflix marathon session is always a good idea. If you're an avid viewer, however, you probably feel like you've seen everything the streaming platform has to offer already. In …
By Ashley Rey

These 4 Zodiac Signs Are Going To Have The Best Luck In Love This May

Spring fever is here, but not all signs in the zodiac are dealt the same dose of lovin'. Some signs are going to have a better love lives than the rest of us in May, because that's just the way the cookie crumbles. According to astrologer Linda Furia…
By Kaitlyn Wylde

Hillary Clinton Says She's Ready To Fight Like A Republican — EXCLUSIVE

Hillary Clinton Is Not Going Away Quietly. Can Hillary Clinton Please Go Quietly Into The Night? Unlike Losers Before Her, Clinton Is Not Going Gently Into the Night. These headlines, which appeared in various news outlets over the course of the last…
By Catherine Thompson and Jenny Hollander

Here's The Very Best Time To Book Your Summer Vacation If You're Trying To Save Money

Summer is a great time to travel, for obvious reasons. The weather is better. Many offices are more lax about time off. If you have kids, they’re out of school. But there’s one very important element that makes summer not a great time to travel: Cost…
By Emma McGowan
)}