If You Can’t Agree On These 11 Things, Your Partner Isn't Your Soulmate

Ad failed to load

If you're looking to see if your relationship has staying power, take a second to evaluate your shared values, which experts say might be the key to answering, "Is my partner my soulmate?". Are you and your partner pretty much on the same page when it comes to your beliefs, and where you see yourselves going in life? Or are you constantly arguing and trying to convince each other to change? If you can't ever seem to agree on certain foundational things in your relationship, experts say there's a good chance your partner isn't "The One."

That's not to say, however, that in order to have a long-lasting, loving connection with your partner, you have see eye-to-eye 100 percent of the time. "It is always OK and healthy to have disagreements in a relationship — disagreeing is not a concern but rather the way we disagree that determines the health of the relationship," Kelsey Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, assistant director at Center for Discovery, tells Bustle. "If we are open to hearing the other person, staying away from bringing up the past, and not labeling the person in the disagreement, then disagreeing can be a sign of health in a relationship and separation between the two people."

But, when it comes to sticking together long-term and cultivating a healthy relationship you will likely want to agree on certain core values. "At the base of the relationship, the most important things to agree on are values and beliefs about life," Latimer says. "It is hard for a relationship to survive differences in these areas." Here are a few things experts say long-term couples should agree on, if they want a healthy, "soulmate" type of relationship.

Ad failed to load

1Basic Core Values

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Your "core values" are basically what you think of as right and wrong, as well as how you'd like to live your life. And finding a partner who generally feels the same way can make for an easier and happier relationship.

"Having synchronicity and complementary (not necessarily exactly the same) beliefs in these areas is key for long-term success of a relationship," says Latimer. "We might be excited by the novelty of someone who is very different to us and these relationships might be fun for the short-term, but if they have differences in core values, the relationship is unlikely to survive for long."

While pretty much everything can be worked on and improved, it's important to keep an eye out for mismatched core beliefs in your early days of dating. If you spot something major that you just can't agree on, it may be a good idea to go your separate ways.

2What Constitutes An Affair

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Since everyone defines cheating differently, it'll be important to find a partner who values the same relationship "rules" as you do. "Is it OK to text members of the opposite sex? What about going to dinner with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend? Having clear lines about what is cheating is necessary for relationship success," licensed marriage and family therapist Dana Koonce tells Bustle.

So have a conversation, as soon as you feel comfortable, about what an affair might look like in your relationship. Does your partner tend to agree? If you're both on the same page, and hold the same values as to what fidelity should look like, then you'll likely have a healthy relationship.

3How To Handle Yourselves During An Argument

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Arguments and disagreements will come up over the course of your relationship, so you'll want to be with someone who argues in a fair, healthy way. As Keren Eldad, a relationship expert and founder of Date with Enthusiasm says, you should both be able to fight without name calling or "going below the belt."

"The principle for soulmate love is that no argument is for naught," she says. "You argue towards a solution, or towards finding a win-win." Healthy argument styles can be learned and practiced, but take note of your partner's inability to learn or change their ways. If they tend to fight dirty, they might not be the person for you.

Ad failed to load

4Where You'd Like To Live

Hannah Burton/Bustle

Deciding where to live is more about supporting each other, than it is about picking the "perfect" city or town. For example, let's say your partner was offered a really cool job in a city you never imagined yourself living in. "If this person is your soulmate, then being with them will trump the dislike of the city, and you will find yourself eager to go," says Eldad. And, the same should be true for your partner, if you were the one offered the job.

A big move that benefits your partner won't feel like an unfair compromise if the person is your soulmate, Eldad says. It'll feel like something you're happy to do.

So take note of any hesitations you have when it comes to bending for your partner. You should both be willing to meet each other half way, and find compromises when it comes to the big things in life. If you truly don't want to, the relationship may not be meant to be.

5Whether Or Not You'll Have Children

Ashley Batz/Bustle

In the best case scenario, you and your partner will be on the same page when it comes to whether or not you'd like to have kids. If you're with your soulmate, you'll probably see eye-to-eye right off the bat.

But it's also a great sign if you can find a healthy compromise in a situation where you don't agree. If you don't want kids, but your partner does, you might, for example, choose to adopt later in life, or simply take on the role as cool aunt/uncle.

Either way, Eldad says "you will decide together what to do here, there won't be black and white." It's the couples that can't agree that aren't meant to be.

6How To Spend Money

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

It may sound simplistic, but money does play a major role in relationships. "Not who makes what, but rather your general approach to money. Your views on it. This makes a big difference, because like it or not, a lot of our lives revolve around acquiring, spending, saving, investing, lamenting — and worrying about — money," Caleb Backe, a health and wellness coach at Maple Holistics, tells Bustle.

To go through life with a partner who has wildly different views concerning finances can cause a lot of stress — and may even lead to a breakup down the road. So your first step would be to talk about money, and what it means in your relationship. If your partner is soulmate-material, you'll likely be able to reach an agreement. But if not, it may be healthier to spare yourselves from years of fighting.

Ad failed to load

7How You'll Spend Time With Family & Friends

Ashley Batz/Bustle

While your relationship is obviously between you and your partner — and not between them and your parents, or you and their parents — it is important that you get along with the people in each other's lives, to some degree.

"If there is constant tension or fighting between your significant other and your parents, siblings, or bestie, then they are likely not your true soulmate," licensed clinical psychotherapist Erin Wiley tells Bustle. "If you have a partner that cannot at least respect those relationships, there is likely more trouble ahead."

Soulmates are always able to find a way to have each other's backs, even in tough times. And if that means having a family intervention, or going to couples therapy, they'll be willing to do it.

8What Respect Looks Like

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

As with cheating, many people have different definitions when it comes to respect. But making sure you see eye-to-eye with your significant other will be key. "Soulmate relationships have a high level of respect, honesty, and appreciation," relationship counselor Michele Meiche tells Bustle.

If this doesn't seem to be the case for your relationship, or you constantly feel disrespected, having a convo about that with your partner can help. By calling attention to the ways your partner is disrespecting you, you'll be giving them a chance to change their behavior. (Just make sure that they actually do.)

9How To Make The Relationship A Priority

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Individually, you'll each have your own priorities in life, such as career goals, hobbies, etc. But if you're with your soulmate, you'll both be keen on keeping your relationship a priority, too.

"It is very difficult to be in a relationship where there are different priorities," licensed counselor Monte Drenner tells Bustle. "Soulmates will have the relationship as the priority regardless of whatever difficulties that may come to challenge that agreement. The challenges they face together that threaten the priority will actually draw them closer together."

If you find that your priorities seem unbalanced, talk with your partner as soon as you can. It's possible it's just a phase, and one that will pass in due time. But if you constantly feel like your relationship is an afterthought, you may not be in a "soulmate" situation.

Ad failed to load

10How Much Sex Is Enough Sex

Ashley Batz/Bustle

While sex isn't everything in a relationship, it can make for an unfulfilling life if you end up with someone who isn't willing to talk about intimacy. If you have incompatible sex drives, or want different types of sex, it's certainly not a deal breaker. But being unwilling to talk about it, and reach a compromise, usually is.

"Sex in a relationship is as much about communication as it is about physical activity," Joshua Klapow, PhD, Clinical Psychologist and Host of The Web, tells Bustle. "Like it or not, the path to sexual compatibility is through communication. So if you are not willing or able to communicate it means you are not willing to have a sexually compatible relationship."

11What The Future Looks Like

Hannah Burton/Bustle

It's pretty tough to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship if you and your partner can't agree on what the future will look like. Will you get married? Will you move in together? Will you have kids? Are you constantly arguing over all of these things? "Constant conflict is a major sign that you aren’t paired with a person who shares the same beliefs, morals, and goals of a relationship," therapist Dr. Saudia L. Twine, Ph.D., NCC, LLPC, LLMFT tells Bustle.

While you don't have to be identical (and hey, it would be boring if you were) you should be able to reach a compromise and/or eventually agree on a general direction for your life together. If you can't — and you've done everything you can do to meet each other halfway — this may not be the "soulmate" relationship you need.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Here's Your Horoscope For Memorial Day Weekend

We’re constantly fascinated by what our zodiac sign says about our lives, whether it's which signs are most compatible or how each sign handles conflict in relationships. That's why Bustle has enlisted Mecca Woods, a New York City-based astrologer of…
By Mecca Woods

These Are The Absolute Best Memorial Day Sales This Year

Get your credit cards ready, because this year's fashion and beauty Memorial Day sales might just be the best ones yet. There's not only major savings for the holiday, but some of the savings start days before. You know, so you can spend the entire w…
By Kali Borovic

Everything Leaving & Coming To Netflix In June To Help Get Your Summer Started

Summer is right around the corner, and so is another batch of streaming options to get excited about. On Wednesday, everything leaving and coming to Netflix in June 2018 was announced by the streaming platform. And don't worry, there's something for …
By Jamie Primeau

These Are The Beauty Products That Came Out In May That You DEFINITELY Need On Your Radar

For beauty lovers, months aren't just months: They're 28 to 31 day periods, wherein any and all product and brand launches can happen — and when they do, it feels like your birthday, no matter what time of the year you were actually born. The May 201…
By Amanda Richards

The 5 Rom-Coms You Need To Read This Summer, According To Someone Who Writes Them

'Tis the season for rom-coms. The weather is warm, the sun is shining, and everyone is rocking the flirtiest items in their wardrobe. I don't know about you, but summer always takes me back to my teenage years — and that automatically makes me want t…
By Cristina Arreola

11 Tiny Sunglasses That Will Make You Look Even Cooler Than Kylie Jenner

You know what they say — the tinier the sunglasses, the more stylish the outfit. OK, that's not really a saying, but it seems to be the case these days. Basically every celebrity, model, and It person has been spotted sporting tiny sunglasses as part…
By Sara Tan

I've Paid $18,000 To A $24,000 Student Loan, & I Still Owe $24,000

It all became real the summer before my senior year of college. It was 2010, and my home phone still had a cord, which I wrapped around my fingers as I waited not-so-patiently for the apathetic representative on the other end to tell me the bad news …
By Kaitlyn Cawley

12 Personality Quizzes That Will Help You Determine Your Exact Strengths

Learning more about yourself can be tough. It's so easy to observe others to learn what makes them tick, what areas they really excel in, and the things they could be better at. Doing that to yourself, however, is a whole different story. That's exac…
By Jessica Booth

5 Brand New Short Story Collections You Can Finish In One Sitting This Weekend

Since 2013, May has been known by book-lovers by another name: Short Story Month. If you're ready to kick off this year's celebration the right way, make sure to pick up a short story collection to read over the weekend. Modern life moves more than …
By Sadie Trombetta

I Got Styled By 'Queer Eye's Tan France & Realized I Still Have A Lot Of Fashion "Rules" To Unlearn

When I walked into a New York City Express store on May 2 to get styled by Queer Eye's Tan France, I was ready for anything. And I mean truly anything. I am such a massive fan of the show and Tan that if he had instructed me to wrap myself in tin foi…
By Olivia Muenter

It Isn’t Bad To Have A “Princess Fantasy” — Mine Made Me The Woman I Am Today

What do you want to be when you grow up? If you were anything like me as a kid, at some point, the answer to that question was "a princess." Thanks to good old-fashioned gender stereotypes, most little girls born in the '90s (and even now) grew up in…
By Nicole Pomarico

Here’s How To Get A FREE 30-Minute Facial At Sephora That Sucks Your Pores Clean

Sephora has long been a mecca for both serious and amateur beauty lovers alike, where they not only have makeup artists that help answer questions about products, but free samples to let you play with new collections. But now they have upped the ante…
By Marlen Komar

Kris Jenner Is FINALLY Launching A Makeup Line With Kylie

Maybe you don't have a favorite sister of the Kar-Jenner clan, and that's perfectly fine. The one thing you can't deny, though, is that when it comes power, no one in that family has more than the world famous momager. Now, Kris Jenner x Kylie Cosmet…
By Shea Simmons

This Kendall Jenner “Diva” Moment Is Really Being Taken Out Of Context

The fashion always takes center stage at the Met Gala, but there's usually a little drama, too. And this time, a member of the Kardashian-Jenner family is involved. People are buzzing about how Kendall Jenner shoved someone at the Met Gala, but after…
By Nicole Pomarico

Feel Like You've Seen Everything On Netflix? Add These Movies To Your Watch List

The weekend may feel too far away, but if you're lacking formal plans, a Netflix marathon session is always a good idea. If you're an avid viewer, however, you probably feel like you've seen everything the streaming platform has to offer already. In …
By Ashley Rey

Hillary Clinton Says She's Ready To Fight Like A Republican — EXCLUSIVE

Hillary Clinton Is Not Going Away Quietly. Can Hillary Clinton Please Go Quietly Into The Night? Unlike Losers Before Her, Clinton Is Not Going Gently Into the Night. These headlines, which appeared in various news outlets over the course of the last…
By Catherine Thompson and Jenny Hollander

Here's The Very Best Time To Book Your Summer Vacation If You're Trying To Save Money

Summer is a great time to travel, for obvious reasons. The weather is better. Many offices are more lax about time off. If you have kids, they’re out of school. But there’s one very important element that makes summer not a great time to travel: Cost…
By Emma McGowan
)}