L. Turner
Latest Articles

Google Wants To Redefine "Healthy"

The latest crazy project to come out of California's Googleplex is here: Google's Baseline Study, a "moonshot" project documenting human health, is the next big thing, according to The Wall Street Journal. Basically, Google wants to conduct extensive…
By L. Turner

Step Away From The Conflict, Putin

Quick, someone tell Russian President Vladimir Putin the Israeli-Palestinian conflict doesn't need his help, because it seems like he's not getting the message. The architect of Russia's annexation of Crimea and destabilization of Ukraine, which like…
By L. Turner

Yikes: This Senator Plagiarized His Thesis

It is generally inadvisable to plagiarize. It is especially inadvisable when you are a politician. Montana Senator John Walsh, who plagiarized his master's thesis according to a convincing analysis by The New York Times, is learning that the hard way…
By L. Turner

Arizona Prisoner's Execution Totally Botched

Nearly two hours into his botched execution, Death Row prisoner Joseph Rudolph Wood III was still alive. Wood was (finally) killed by lethal injection after snorting and gasping for breath for about an hour and 40 minutes before falling silent, accor…
By L. Turner

New York's Mayor Just Made a Big Mistake

Pizzagate is upon us again, ladies and gents. Turns out New York Mayor Bill de Blasio ate pizza with a fork in Naples, Italy while on vacation with his family, and everyone in New York is freaking out about it. This is the second time the New Yorker …
By L. Turner

Warning: Walmart's Ice Cream Sandwiches DON'T Melt

Here are some important facts about ice cream: 1) ice cream is delicious; 2) ice cream is sweet; 3) ice cream is cold; and 4) ice cream melts. Part of our love affair with ice cream relates to its transience. It is here, fleetingly; then its magic is…
By L. Turner

Behavior at Crash Site "Completely Disrespectful"

The site of a downed Malaysia Airlines flight heading from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur before it was struck by a missile on July 17 continued sparking international outrage on Sunday as disputes over the handling of the crash site intensified. The Neth…
By L. Turner

Here's What Happens When a Sinkhole Opens Up

The maw of a 120-foot wide Spring Hill, Florida sinkhole threatened to swallow homes in a quiet neighborhood after sneaking up on a group of neighbors on a Sunday afternoon. The terrifying 30-foot-deep sinkhole opened up in front of witnesses who sai…
By L. Turner

Jury Fines Tobacco Company Gigantic Sum

A jury came back with a gigantic $23.6 billion fine for R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. in a Florida man's smoking-related death on Friday. The jury said it wanted to send a message to tobacco companies that they're still legally responsible for selling pr…
By L. Turner

Whoops: John Kerry Just Got Caught Saying What?

It's always weirdly fascinating when important people accidentally get caught saying what they really think. It can also be really controversial. U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, caught on mic sarcastically calling Israel's Gaza offensive a "hell …
By L. Turner

The MH17 Investigation Isn't Off to a Good Start

Things aren't starting off too well in the MH-17 investigation, where OSCE researchers were apparently barred by armed separatists from investigating parts of the site on Friday — and where no one seems to know the location of the plane's black boxes…
By L. Turner

These Plaques Take Honesty to a New Level

What do you do when a government official gets a criminal conviction? Wipe him from the annals of history? Nah, says Pennsylvania, you just update the state lawmaker plaque. NBD. The Pennsylvania state capitol building in Harrisburg features big, fan…
By L. Turner

This Guy Let a Golfer Tee Off His What?!

Just another day on the links, right? Hanging out with your friends, yukking. Then an idea comes to you: This is a snoozefest, and it's high time someone shot a golf ball off of my crotch. This is an approximation of the thought process of Dallas Sta…
By L. Turner

Giant Rubber Ducky, Where Did You Go?

A solemn ducky lament is playing for Florentijn Hofman's giant rubber duck, lost in Guiyang, China to floodwaters that unmoored it from its metal resting place and sent it swimming soulfully away on Wednesday, according to the Want China Times. The V…
By L. Turner

Secret App Is Part Silicon Valley, Part PostSecret

An app that's a weird combination of PostSecret, Silicon Valley, and Formspring just got bigger. On Monday, the Secret app connected to Facebook and raised $25 million in venture capital financing as part of a huge push to expand, according to The Ne…
By L. Turner

Boston Bombing Survivor Welcomes Baby Girl

He was the face of a tragedy. But on Sunday Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman welcomed baby girl Nora Gail Bauman with his fiancée and longtime partner, Erin Hurley. Bauman and Hurley announced Nora's arrival in a Facebook post. "Everyone …
By L. Turner

'The View' Really Flubbed This Interview

An interview with a 16-year-old from Houston who says she was raped was terribly mishandled on Monday. The View interviewed Jada, whose alleged rape went viral, but as Jezebel points out, the hosts didn't exactly come across as supportive. Jada belie…
By L. Turner

A Guy In Colorado Just Got The Plague

Welp, this is terrifying. A Colorado man was diagnosed with the deadliest plague you can get on July 8, according to the Colorado Department of Health. The man, who lives in Adams County near Denver, was diagnosed with pneumonic plague, which happens…
By L. Turner

Angela Merkel's Selfies Are Amazing

The World Cup may be over, but at least you can get excited about these Angela Merkel selfies with Germany's Lukas Podolski. Germany beat Argentina 1 to 0 in the second bout of extra time in the World Cup final on Sunday thanks to a well-placed kick …
By L. Turner

Angela Merkel's Best Faces from the World Cup

Germany managed a 1-0 win over Argentina in the World Cup Final on Sunday, and Angela Merkel's faces captured every moment. The stoical German chancellor sat in a box with a bunch of much-hated figures — namely Russian President Vladimir Putin and FI…
By L. Turner