Here's What To Know About Transcendent Sex

Can you think of the best sex you’ve ever had? Have you had one of those toe-curling, breathtaking moments where time and space stood still? Even if you haven’t had your best orgasm just yet, many people can attest to the power of a really great romp in the sheets. Whether it was with a partner or your favorite vibrator, picture how it made you feel. Now envision that feeling getting infinitely more intense, incredible — and almost unbelievable. How, you might ask? The answer is transcendent sex.

If you’ve watched the third season of the buzzy Netflix series Love Is Blind, you might have heard the term used by Andrew Liu, one of the dating show’s contestants. When describing “transcendental sex,” he says this type of experience involves feeling the other person’s pleasure in addition to your own. And, according to Dr. Jenny Wade, Ph.D., a researcher, professor of integral and transpersonal psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, and author of Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil, Liu’s description — and excitement about the practice — is accurate.

“People who had transcendent sex always say, ‘I don’t know why other people bother with regular sex,’” says Wade, who’s done extensive research on the topic. “I’ve also had other people who only had the experience once, and it was so vivid that they remembered it.”

So, if this phenomenon is so amazing, what is transcendent sex, and what makes it different than a regular orgasm? Here, Wade shares her insight on the experience and why it’s so powerful.

What Is Transcendent Sex?

Although Liu interprets his own experience with transcendent sex as experiencing dual pleasure with a partner, the actual definition goes much deeper than that. There isn’t a ton of information available about the phenomenon, so Wade’s research and book are primary sources for learning about it — and her findings themselves “transcend” the bounds of both heteronormativity and sexual norms.

“Transcendent sex refers to altered states triggered by sex,” Wade tells Bustle. “The clinical definition of an altered state is having a different sense of time, space, or agency, meaning what is animate or not animate, that differs from whatever the cultural norm is.” She offers the example of seeing a ghost — in some cultures, that is seen as “normal.” In Western culture, that would typically be seen as an altered state, which might call someone’s sanity into question. In the same way, Wade says that our understanding of both sex and consciousness limits how well we can comprehend the complexities of transcendent sex.

What Happens During Transcendent Sex?

Rather than simply having an orgasm — although Wade notes that an orgasm is also a “discreet altered state” — transcendent sex is an altered state that is very different from orgasm. “It has to do with people experiencing a change in time or perceiving things that other people would not perceive in the room,” she says. For instance, she explains that someone experiencing transcendent sex could possibly see flashes of light, feel the sensation of “sparks” leaving your fingertips, or even be filled with Kundalini energy — a term in tantra and yoga that describes a powerful energy that heats up your entire energy. Wild stuff, right?

Some aspects of transcendent sex make it similar to the experience of practicing tantric sex, Wade says. If you’re not familiar, tantric sex “is the deliberate manipulation of sexual energy, and has you moving that energy in your body so you become aware of it,” she explains. But in tantra, people use techniques to manipulate that energy — and people experiencing transcendent sex come into that energy by surprise. The similarities, however, help give better context to what the experience of transcendent sex might look like. “Part of the way that this happens is that sexual stimulation involves the same processes that we have refined in spiritual practices,” Wade says. “It involves rhythmic motion, altered breathing, a state of high arousal — meaning a lot of energy in the body, but oftentimes very limited stimulus. It’s rhythmic and very intense.”

What Are The Benefits Of Transcendent Sex?

Although having an orgasmic experience is obviously awesome, transcendent sex increases those sensations and levels of energetic awareness. This is one of the major benefits Wade shares about the phenomenon — orgasm is not required to have transcendent sex as it’s a much more powerful experience. In fact, she shares that some people begin to fall into the state before they were engaged in any sexual activity. “There was one pair that began to go into an altered state while they were still having dinner in a restaurant. Before they even got to bed, this [feeling] began to come over them,” says Wade. “Some people had it after sex: After an orgasm, they were lying in bed, and then whoosh, this thing happened.” She’s even heard of transcendent sex coming from something as simple as holding a partner’s hand.

Even if you’re one of the many women who have had trouble having an orgasm — or have never experienced one at all — Wade says that you are not disqualified from having transcendent sex. “The kind of sexual activity [involved] could be all over the place,” she tells Bustle. “It is also not connected to orgasm. So if you're not an orgasmic female, for example, you don't have to worry that you're never going to have this kind of sex.”

In the same way that transcendent sex deviates from cultural “norms” in the way we understand consciousness, it also rejects the standards of heteronormativity. Wade says that queer couples are just as likely to experience these sensations. “My suspicion is that lesbians find it easier to have this kind of sex than heterosexual women because they tend to engage in much longer foreplay and length of sex play,” she says. “Duration tends to help because you exhaust some of your neural pathways — you've just been stimulated for so long you tend to tune that out, and then your attention is drawn to another one.”

Still, hate to break it to you, but there isn’t necessarily a way to “practice” for transcendent sex, according to Wade. As she explains, the experience typically happens when you least expect it. If you’re still curious, Wade says to aim for “complete absorption.” Focus on the stimulus. “If you can block everything out except just what you're feeling in one spot, it can become a doorway to these other experiences,” she says. Sounds like something is giving orgasms a run for their money.

Expert:

Dr. Jenny Wade, Ph.D., researcher, professor of integral and transpersonal psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, and author of Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil