Like most Game of Thrones fans, I love showing my Game of Thrones love with punny t-shirts, my precious Funko Pops, and anything emblazoned with my favorite House's sigil (House Tyrell for life). Real talk time, though: As much as I love my collection of Game of Thrones paraphernalia, I would trade it all for these Game of Thrones gifts that cannot be bought. There are some gifts only showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss (or George R. R. Martin, really) can give — and a few even they can't conjure up. I know die hard Game of Thrones fans would much rather have their favorite character alive and well than another (admittedly cool) Stark scarf to add to their collection.
While these gifts cannot be wrapped and placed under a tree, they would truly be the best gifts ever. I'm talking way better than those history of Westeros books Tyrion got for Joffrey. These are next-level gifts that would have your BFF swearing allegiance to you as their Khaleesi... if only you could actually make them happen. Sadly, these Game of Thrones gifts can live only in your dreams, but that doesn't take away from their undeniable awesomeness. Trust me, these are the best gifts money cannot buy.
1. Instant Access To Season 6
Waiting until April is such a pain. Imagine if you could devour all 10 episodes of Season 6 now. I would happily trade in a lifetime of Christmas presents to make it so.
2. Confirmation That R + L Does In Fact Equal J
Everyone is pretty certain at this point, but wouldn't you finally like to know for sure?
3. Real Dragon Eggs
So you can say, "Oh, you have a dog? Cute, have you met my DRAGON?"
4. Your Fave Dead Character Alive & Well
To paraphrase Sansa Stark, it's all I've ever wanted.
5. A Prequel Series
Because more Game of Thrones equals more Game of Thrones, and also, who wouldn't want to see the first war? Lyanna Stark sounds amazing, baby Jaime Lannister would give you all the feelings, and you would finally get to see what all the Rhaegar love was about.
6. A Guarantee Your Fave Ship Wouldn't End In Death & Heartbreak
Falling for a Game of Thrones pairing is like asking for a world of pain and a future date with wine and ice cream to drown your sorrows. What if you could get a guarantee that your favorite ship would not only happen, they would actually make it out alive and happy? It would be a true Westeros miracle.
7. A Publication Date For Winds Of Winter
Hey, since you cannot make Martin write faster, at least you could know which day to block out on your calendar because you know when that baby drops you aren't doing anything that day besides reading.
8. A Grisly End For Ramsay
Ramsay's death will be the most satisfying death in the Seven Kingdoms since Joffrey went all purple on his wedding day.
9. A Stark Family Reunion
Christmas is a time for wishes to come true, right? I don't care how improbable it is, I want to see all the Starks together again.
10. The Ability To Cast Your Favorite Book Character For The Show
The line to cast your vote for Sebastian Roche to play Jon Connington stars here!
11. A Visit To Westeros With The Hound As Your Guard
Visiting Westeros is the dream... just with the right kind of protection.
12. Tyrion's Ability To Craft A Perfect Comeback
This would basically be a lifetime guarantee of always getting the last flawless word in any argument.
13. Lady Stoneheart In Season 6
Best hypothetical Christmas present ever.
Now that is how you make a Game of Thrones fan happy this holiday season.
Images: Helen Sloan/HBO; Giphy (12)
