A Deeply Scientific Investigation Into Alex Turner’s Many, Many Hairdos

A true lock ‘n’ roll star.

As Maria once warbled in The Sound of Music, let’s start at the very beginning — a very good place to start. This combed-forward mop from 2006 is the newly-revived Indie Sleaze movement encapsulated in a single hairstyle. Top marks.

What in the name of super-strength hair gel is going on here? This avant-garde masterpiece, also from 2006, deserves a spot in the Tate Modern.

This look, circa 2007, is just like, y’know, regular sideburns — only curly.

Fun fact: While touring Arctic Monkeys’ 2009 album, Humbug, Turner briefly disappeared under the heft of his impeccably conditioned locks.

Anybody who used to have a MySpace account covered in Arctic Monkeys lyrics will be hit hard by this particular look from 2011 — as seen in mirror-phone selfies everywhere.

Turner’s “Greased Lightning” moment, also from 2011 (a productive year, hair-wise!), feels so culturally significant that it deserves its own little blue plaque.

Steve Harrington, is that you?

Alex Turner’s 2018-era facial hair proved so divisive that fans started an entire petition urging him to shave it off — but personally, I’m here for Mr. Tumnus’ rocker phase.

Another opinion-splitter, old Alex broke thousands of hearts when he chopped off his lustrous locks.

Just look at Turner’s latest ’do and tell me you can’t see hints of Tom Holland when he’s not dressed up as Spider-Man.