On Wednesday, a fairly unknown politician joined the race for 2016. Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore announced his presidential campaign, making him the 17th Republican to join the primary field. Immediately, facts about the new candidate began coming out of the woodwork, like his military service, his former legal career, and, naturally, his political experience. But who cares about these minor details when I've unearthed the only piece of information you need to know about the man: Jim Gilmore has a Myspace page. That's right, this presidential hopeful joined the network that was once an online mecca for kids between the ages of 13 and 21. What does that say about someone who wants to be commander-in-chief?
As soon as it was revealed that Gilmore had filed paperwork to join the race for the Republican nomination, the public started to learn bits and pieces about the somewhat mysterious man. For example, he was in the Army as an intelligence specialist; he was the attorney general of Virginia, and then the governor of Virgina; he's on the NRA's board of directors; he speaks fluent German; he likes pizza (his taste in food is excellent), but his favorite chain is Pizza Hut (his taste in pizza is questionable), etc. But what do these facts really say about a man and whether or not he qualifies for the White House? Not much, if you ask me.
I have the only thing you really need to know about the guy: His Myspace profile. See for yourself.
There she is. Look at that beaut. The next question I'm sure you're all demanding an answer to is, "Did he have that photograph taken specifically for his Myspace profile?"
Anyone with a keen eye would be able to ascertain that this photo has a distinct "social media profile pic" feel to it. Note the lack of suit jacket — Gilmore would be damned if he came off stuffy on Myspace. It was clearly down to this pic or the one of him at the Jimmy Eat World concert.
The next question you're no doubt wondering is: "Who's in his Top 8?"
It appears that Gilmore is a picky man with discerning tastes, because only six people made it into his crop of elites. In the No. 1 spot? Someone whose profile name is streetracingkid. (No, it's not one of his sons.)
What about his other friends, or in Myspace terms, "connections"? They seem to range from the predictable:
To the optimistic:
And then there's this "connection":
I'm not sure what that is, either. Moving on.
Look at how cool Gilmore looks with all these different backgrounds. Here's "nature lover" Jim:
Here's "free bird" Jim:
Here's "just experimenting with cool effects on my camera on a warm summer night" Jim:
Here's "California hippy livin' the carefree trailer park life" Jim:
Here's "that month I was a trance DJ in Ibiza" Jim:
So there you have it. Jim Gilmore's Myspace page. There might not be much there to mine — just one photo, zero posts, and a motley mix of connections — but I think it speaks volumes about this new candidate. Just like his taste in pizza, his life choices and decision-making skills are somewhat questionable. But I'm willing to give him a pass — for now — because it doesn't really seem like he knew what he was signing up for. In all honesty, it feels like he wandered into Myspace from the street and thought, "Hey, what's this? Maybe I'll chill here for a while." And like so many fledgling rappers and emo kids before him, it appears that Gilmore, too, has abandoned his Myspace page. Maybe he's not that unlike us after all.
Images: Getty Images (1), Jim Gilmore/Myspace