There are certain struggles that people who love fashion are bound to understand. For example: It’s a normal Wednesday night and your squad sends out a group message asking “wings and beers tonight?” You swipe on some lavender lipstick, wiggle your way into a pair of high waist shorts, and put on your favorite crop top. You’ve had a long day at the office and an even longer train ride home, so you’re more than ready to get together in some neighborhood dive bar, cradling IPAs like they were your first borns.
This is just a lazy “I
woke up like dis” outfit for you — your version of sweatpants, if you will. You hunt
down your flatform sandals and are on your way, excited over the prospect of
making out with those wings. However, once you get there you take a deep breath,
brace yourself, and prepare for the onslaught of jokes your crew will have
ready for you.
“Everyone make room for Anna Wintour.” “When did orthopedic shoes become 'in?'” “You know I can see your bra, right? Are you… coming on to me?”
Sigh, the joys of being part of a group as normcore as Jerry Seinfeld himself. When you’re the only one who ventures outside the world of jeans and tees, your besties will probably take the opportunity to poke some fun. That’s OK, though, because fashion will always be worth it and you know that choosing to dress like you're on Fifth Avenue when you're in small town suburbia is bound to raise some eyebrows. Plus, what kind of friends would you be if you couldn't enjoy some harmless teasing? Nonetheless, below are the seven things every fashion person in their squad is bound to encounter.
1. The Word “Fancy” Gets Applied To Anything Outside Of Sweatpants
"Excuse me, but did you really roll up to a house party wearing a summer scarf? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Marie Antoinette over here, I’m not sure if this little get-together is your speed. There are like, no shrimp cocktails here. Do you think you’d be able to slum it with us?"
This is literally the commentary you’ll get every time you show up wearing something fancier than sweatpants. Accessories scare people. They scare them a lot. If you and your friends have the kind of relationship that allows for a good bit of innocent teasing, however, it's pretty easy to laugh along with them. Plus, Marie Antoinette had some serious style.
2. Outfits Get Silently Judged
You're meeting your friend at a café and as you’re making your way over to her, you see the tell-tale sign. She slowly narrows her eyes as she takes in your overalls and clunky sandals look — an ensemble totally alien to T-shirt aficionados. She thinks you look like you should be back in the motherland bailing hay.
You know your overalls are amazing, though, and it's these differences in opinion that make you friends anyway, right? Right. But maybe you'll still make her buy you a muffin as retribution anyway.
3. You’re Asked To Defend The Honor Of Your Outfits
“But you don’t actually like this style, do you?” No, I just have a whole wardrobe curated to mess with you. I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on flared pants and bralette tops and vintage dresses just so I can have the pleasure of watching your face pucker in confusion every time I come over. I’m in it for the long con, and I’m kind of upset you saw through me.
Of course I actually love this dress, you knucklehead, and I love that dry wit of yours too.
4. Systems Get Shocked With Your More Avant Garde Styles
Did you shave the underside of your hair? Did you come out to the birthday dinner wearing a ‘60s resort dress? Or did you have a wild moment and try out the heels-plus-socks grandma chic look? Be prepared to fan you friends’ faces after they pass out from shock and slip from their chairs. Pro tip: Take the opportunity to eat some of their appetizers before they come to.
5. You Might Have Moments Of Self Consciousness... Sometimes
Just because you're a die hard fashion person doesn’t mean your confidence can't take a waver from time to time. It’s hard being stared at. It's hard to stick out. When your crew is dressed in jeans and sneakers and you’re sitting at the end of the table with a pinafore and pussybow blouse, you’re going to feel like the equivalent of a fog horn. That could induce some cheek prickling and hand wringing, but at the end of the day, everyone's weird in their own way. Your weirdness just manifests itself in floppy hats and maxi gowns.
6. You Have To Explain You’re Not Making This Stuff Up
There will be long, deep conversations over Manhattans and artichoke dip that, no, you’re not the one that brought the jumpsuit back. Sure, it’s a little loud. Yes, I understand all you can think about is J. Lo circa 2003. Listen, though: It’s been all over Vogue for the past few months, what with the ‘70s trend having its moment. No, I’m not making this up. Everyone’s wearing them now. OK, fine, I can’t point out three girls in this bar wearing one right now but — What? Fine, yes, I understand that means not “everyone” is wearing them. Ugh. I hate you. I need another Manhattan.
7. You’re Now The Unofficial Expert
You know how your parents ask you to fix their computer every time you come over to visit, just because one time you showed them how to save a Word document? Well, that’s what you are to your friends once something fashion related rolls in. Are they going to a wedding? Do they have a big date? Is someone packing for a Euro trip? The first person they’ll consult is you. Then they’ll ask you how to save that Word document.
You know what, though? You'll secretly love it all.
Images: Marlen Komar