How to Glitter Harder than Everyone Else at the Party

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Two days ago, I read this article that I swear was written by a maniac. It was called something like "Wear Less Glitter, People" or "Glitter Should Be Toned Down in a Serious Way" or "Glitter for Real Grinches," and the basic premise was that we should all be wearing glitter subtly. I kid you not. Subtle? Glitter? The entire point of glittering is to have all eyes on you, all the time, can't stop, won't stop, queen of the universe, do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again full-blown narcissistic sparkly nirvana.

Glitter isn't a kid's game any more, people. There can only be one "glitteriest," and if that's a title you want for yourself, you better work. Maybe you consider yourself a pretty glittery person already -- after all, you totally know the best thrift stores to find sequined horrors from the 80s and you own Makeup Forever's loose glitter in all 13 shades. But in this over-sequined age, that's simply not enough. I'm here to help you get even sparklier, because when it comes to being the glitteriest in the room, you must leave no stone unbedazzled.

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