So, Glee 's "Previously Unaired Christmas" episode, which actually aired on Thursday night, was kind of bizarre. But Naya Rivera's Santana Lopez stole the show with some of the best one-liners we've ever heard from her character. Seriously. If you made it through the New Directions' ABBA and Motown-inspired numbers and the confusing concept that the episode was actually taking place a year ago, Ryan Murphy actually gave us a really great Christmas gift this year. The only thing that would have made it better? If the episode had been called "How Santana Stole The Christmas Episode."
The episode opened with Sue, playing one of those all-knowing narrators we know and love from our favorite clay-mation holiday classics, explaining why this episode didn't air last season. (Enter multiple ridiculous reasons, including Blaine being obsessed with Yule logs.) The hour focused briefly on the New Directions, the school's "Green Christmas" tree-decorating contest, and the glee club's auditions for their live-action nativity scene. (This led to a bizarre ABBA-inspired rendition of "Mary's Little Boy Child" that would've fit seamlessly into Mamma Mia!, costumes and all.) Meanwhile, in New York — where we wish the entire episode took place — Santana is crashing with newly single Rachel and Kurt and they're all working as Santa's elves at the Midtown Mall.
And that brings us to "How Santana Stole The Christmas Episode" with these seven quotes that prove precisely why she's become the best character on the show. (We're still waiting on that spin-off announcement, Ryan Murphy.)
1) "I mean, you got your decapitated head and one of these is for Berry — a gallon jug of Proactiv solution and a booklet of Jet Blue vouchers."
2) "I'm taking a much needed break, okay? It is exhausting playing a slutty elf."
3) "No, no, you play Mrs. Claus, Lady Hummel. You were born to play Mrs. Claus and Mrs. Butterworth and Bea Arthur and Barbara Bush..."
4) "Why don't we just get you an iPad. You can't even get porn on whatever you just asked me for."
5) "Okay, listen, even I'll admit that my girl-loving vagina is feeling a little jingle bell from you, but, uh, we don't need your help."
6) "I am disgusted and impressed. Who knew the Queen of England could be so trashy?"
7) "This is why I can never live here. Bushwick is worse than Lima Heights."
Merry Christmas, Glee fans.