Thursday, an announcement was made that will have millions of tabloids scrambling for new content. Under the guise of a birthday party, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux allegedly got married. I mean, it certainly seems s, anyway: TMZ reports make mention of seeing a puppet-topped cake of the couple and a pastor holding a bible, so it sure SEEMS like a wedding. (Bustle has reached out to Aniston and Theroux's reps for comment on this news, but has not yet heard back.) But, if it was, I have to wonder — was it anywhere near as extravagant as Rachel Green's fake wedding to Ross on Friends?
"What the what now?" you might be finding yourself eloquently asking. Rest assured, I'm not talking about their impromptu marker-covered Vegas marriage — instead, I'm referring to one that never actually happened on the show, but lives on in the hearts of Rachel/Ross 'shippers to this day. In the Season 8 episode, "The One With Massapequa," Ross and a very pregnant Rachel attend Ross' parents anniversary wedding. The two have to pretend to be married to save face in front of Ross' parents conservative friends. As the night wears on, however, Rachel concocts a story about an elaborate dream wedding. When Ross asks what she's doing, Rachel snaps, "What? I’m not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing."
So how great was this dream wedding? Well, they went with something small, but kind of spectacular.
According to Rachel and Ross in the episode, it was an intimate affair held on a cliff in Barbados at Sunset. Stevie Wonder, an old family friend, sang "Isn't She Lovely" as Rachel walked down the aisle. And as for the bride, she was an absolute vision, wearing a veil handcrafted by blind Belgium nuns. Incidentally the nuns weren't blind BEFORE they made the veil, but the detail work was so intricate it rendered their eyesight obsolete. Guests were later overheard saying that Rachel looked, and I quote, "like a floating angel." Sadly the couple retained no images of the wedding, because Annie Leibovitz forgot to put film in the camera. WOMP, WOMP.
Well, even though none of that ever came to pass (well, um, at least on screen — I can't speak for what happened after the series finale) we still have other means of conjuring up Rachel's fake wedding. Namely, the wonders of Photoshop, a medium with which I am well-acquainted with. So, using all my mild to moderate skills with the program, I conjured up a rough outline of what Ross and Rachel's fake wedding would look like.
For Your Consideration...
WOW, SO BEAUTIFUL, IT FEELS LIKE I WAS THERE. OK, this is just a vague approximation — I'm not sure if Rachel's look is really screaming "floating angel," but everything else lines up well. Here's hoping that Aniston and Theroux's real life bash was HALF as good as this one.
Images: Giphy (1); Mary Grace Garis/Bustle (1)