It's not every morning you wake up to a piece of music news that makes you suspect your eyeballs are pulling a practical joke on your brain, but Thursday morning was one of those mornings for yours truly. When I read that Ryan Adams is in the middle of recording a 1989 cover album, I assumed I was seeing things. And then, when I read that Adams's covers of Taylor Swift's songs will be in the style of The Smiths, I told my eyeballs to stop prankin' me because it isn't nice to get my hopes up like that.
Well, I owe my eyeballs an apology, because they weren't prankin' me at all; Adams's 1989 cover album is a real, glorious thing that's currently in the works. What a time to have ears!
I'm a fan of Adams, The Smiths, and T-Swift, so yeah, it's safe to say I'm insanely stoked about the "Come Pick Me Up" musician's latest endeavor. Swift’s undeniable pop hooks plus Adams’s indie rock genius plus the forever legendary moody sounds of The Smiths? It really is an overwhelming-in-the-best-way combination.
Yes, I am excited. But I'm also exhausted. Digesting this information has been a journey and a half. I will share that journey now.
Stage 1: Hold Up, Is This Picture Telling Me What I Think It's Telling Me?
Forget the double take; this Instagram pic warrants a quintuple take.
Stage 2: Ah, I Gotta Be Dreaming
This must be one of my dreambrain's too-good-to-be-true concoctions. Like that time I dreamt I played The Sims with Adam Levine. My wiiiiiiiiildest dreams!
Stage 3: Oh, I'm Not Dreaming? I'm Very Much Awake Right Now? Then There Must Be Something Wrong With My Eyeglasses
Where did I put my lens cleaner? I need to scrub the heck outta my glasses right now. Something must be messing with my vision. I'm not seeing properly. The universe is never THIS generous.
Stage 4: *Cleans Off Glasses & Reads The Photo's Caption Again* OH. MY. GOD. *Knees Buckle*
My eyes do not deceive me. This is really happening. Wow.
Wow wow wow.
I... wow. We are not worthy.
Stage 5: Unbridled Excitement
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH THIS IS SUCH AWESOME NEWS I CAN'T TAKE IT.
Stage 6: BRB, Writing Ryan Adams A Thank You Note Right This Second Because Holy Cannoli I Am So Grateful Already
Am I putting the cart before the horse? Will this jinx everything? Eh, nah. Because this covers album is unjinxable.
Stage 7: Veruca Salt Mode
Now that I know it’s in the works, it’s all I’m going to think about. HURRY UP, ADAMS. I WANT THIS COVERS ALBUM AND I WANT IT NOW.
...And if it's not too much to ask, I would also like a goose that lays golden eggs. Thanks so much!
Stage 8: Charlie Bucket Mode
Oh, man. I’m sorry for that outburst. I'm so embarrassed right now. Please forgive me. I’ll stop being a demanding brat. I’ll be patient and polite.
Stage 9: I’m Going To Watch This Instagram Clip Until My Phone’s Battery Dies
This brief snippet of Adams’s Smithsified rendition of “Welcome to New York” means a lot to me:
Stage 10: ...But What If I Can't Handle The Album?
Seriously, though. I'm legitimately concerned that the inevitable brilliance of this album will cause me to sweat like I've never sweat before. I'm talking cardio-class-in-a-heated-Bikram-yoga-room-while-wearing-a-suede-onesie level of perspiration. I should buy a handheld fan now.
Stage 11: Only Listening To The Smiths's The Queen Is Dead, Ryan Adams's Heartbreaker, And Taylor Swift's 1989 At The Same Time
How else am I supposed to prepare myself?