The GOP "Kiddie Table" Claims Were Only Furthered By The Moderator Telling Grown Adults They Were "Well Behaved"

Apparently, the alternate title for this afternoon's first GOP debate is "Time Out at the Kiddie Table." Moderator Bill Hemmer told the debaters that the buzzer wasn't ringing and that they were "very well-behaved." Is anyone else seeing images of rogue turkey legs zooming from the direction of the three-year-olds' table at Thanksgiving? Yes, this was the precursor to the debate at the Big Kid Table (which will feature Donald Trump, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, Gov. Chris Christie, and co.), but it's like the moderators weren't giving these debaters a chance to talk their way up. But those watching at home saw the metaphorical mashed potatoes begin to fly as the debate went on, and many seemed to agree with Hemmer's condescending remarks, saying that maybe the debate looked like the Kiddie Table, after all.

When the debate first started, the politicians took to their mics and were respectful and courteous. No dinging of the bells. Hemmer's statement seemed slightly patronizing; he actually complimented full-grown adults on their good behavior. But further in, the "you're not behaving" bells were ringing so much that the Meet Me in St. Louis lyrics should be changed to "Ring, ring, ring went the GOP's time up."

At the metaphorical table, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum was talking over himself and comparing abortion rights and same-sex marriage to the Dred Scott decision. For much of the debate, Fiorina played the part of the commanding oldest child at the head of the table; she added a helping of mature, thought-out answers to her plate. Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal was the kid drawing elaborate schemes on paper napkins: He said he wanted to get rid of basically every law Obama put into place, and his plot-like comments made me think of the Toy Story kid who put spider legs on dolls. Rick Perry proved that he's the youth in the room who makes a prank of everything; he said he was going to "take Whiteout" to basically all of Obama's legislation.

If I were one of the very few people in that room, I would have been looking for a whoopee cushion under my seat. Time for the bell again.